Raj and I met at a common friend’s party and there was an instant attraction. We never had the “just friends” phase that most couples have; we started dating instantly.
The way I felt for him was totally different, I had never felt this way for anyone. He was everything a girl looks for in her boyfriend - he was not only a very caring guy but was also very understanding. Whenever we made plans for dates, he would always ask me what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go for dinner. He made me feel special.
We were both always on the same page; be it planning the weekend or our expectations from life. We even had conversations about our future plans - we both saw a future for our relationship.
Though we went out on a lot of memorable dates in the eight months that we dated, I will never forget the one on May 7th this year. I still remember the day because it was Mother’s Day the next day. We went out for a nice dinner at my favorite restaurant, he dropped me home and then we had a rather meaningful conversation over the phone before going to bed.
Little did I know that it would be our last conversation. Yes, we never spoke or met after that night because Raj just disappeared from my life.
When I didn’t get any message from him the next morning, I assumed he must have slept till late since it was Sunday. However, after I didn’t hear from him - no calls or messages - till late afternoon, I sent him a message. But I didn’t get any response from him. I had cancelled plans with my friend so that I could spend the day with him but I didn’t hear from him the whole day.
I got a little scared thinking something bad might have happened to him, so I called up his friends but no one picked my call. By the end of that day, I was mentally exhausted imagining the possibilities. I couldn’t sleep that night, I kept wondering what had happened.
I had no idea how to find him or whom to contact to know where he was and why he hadn’t contacted me. Every possible situation came to my mind - he’d found someone else, he’d met with an accident, he’d gone for an impromptu boys’ trip to some place with no phone connectivity...
For days my eyes would be fixed on my phone hoping he would call or message. This was very unlike him, he had always been the more responsible one in our relationship. He would always be the first one to talk whenever we had a fight and he was always very considerate towards my feelings. He wasn’t moody and impulsive like me.
I could see him online on WhatsApp and even active on Facebook (which I was constantly checking like a crazy stalker), which drove me even madder. Clearly, he wasn’t dead. And there was no logical reason for such erratic behavior that would console my heart.
If he wanted to break up with me, I deserved at least a phone call and a proper explanation. My worry for him turned into anger and after four days of total confusion and a cocktail of emotions I had gone through, I finally accepted that he was gone.
Time passed by and I would miss him each day and on most nights I would cry myself to sleep, remembering the time we had spent together, the conversations we had had. Even though I was making a conscious effort to silence my thoughts, even at work I often found myself often lost, obsessively wondering what could be the reason for his disappearance. A million questions clouded my mind like… Was it something I had said? Had I done something or offended him in any way? Was he just using me all this while? Did the past eight months mean nothing to him?
It’s been two months since I last heard from him. I am in a much more stable state and at peace with the fact that he is no longer with me. Though there are those moments of weakness when I just can’t avoid thoughts or memories of him and I’m haunted by the question, “Why did he do that?” I have made peace with the fact that he was not the right person for me.
When I think of it, Raj was not even man enough tell the truth, he didn’t have the courage to tell the truth to the girl he claimed to love... instead he just chose to disappear. Only a coward does that and which girl would like to be with such a guy? Not me, for sure!
I’ve learnt to smile and enjoy life once again with the same zest and vigor that I had before. And I’m confident that one day my Prince Charming will find me! And with him, I’ll have my forever…