Confessions Of A Girl Who Kept Getting “Friend-Zoned”
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If you have ever googled the term friendzone, the second result that shows up (the first being wikipedia) is the top meaning from urban dictionary, and this is what it says - “What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you're attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, "You're such a good friend". Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another.”
Dear Urban Dictionary and the rest of the world, the friend zone is not full of men only, in fact, there are a lot of women out there too. How do I know? Because I have been there, more than once.
I remember this one friend, whom I liked more than just as a friend, once during a casual conversation said, “Lucky would be the guy whom you will have feelings for, whom you will love!”. The irony of the situation was that the same guy was sitting right in front of me, clueless about how my heart was beating faster as he said this.
We were almost a perfect fit. We couldn’t lie to each other, we could tell through a phone conversation if the other one was upset, and we could see each other’s tears even before our eyes began to well up. We could complete each other’s sentences and even laugh at each other’s incomplete jokes. We always gave each other the perfect birthday gifts and our hugs were the warmest!
Then one day he called me up at 2:00am and said “I am in love...” and as my heart skipped a beat he said “with…”. It wasn’t my name. I knew I had been pushed into the dreaded zone. I didn’t let my choked throat bare my wounds on the phone. I cried that night and for the first time he didn’t see my tears!
This didn’t happen just once. It was the same story the second time, and the third time around as well. I have heard my “friends” rambling on about the girls they loved, and simultaneously telling me how lucky would a guy be to have me in his life. Every time I wanted to ask “Why can’t you be that guy?”, I had to contain the urge. I couldn’t risk my friendship, after all. And by the time I could muster up the courage to confess my feelings, it was too late.
And then I have had to go out with them for outings as the third wheel, and watch them walk hand in hand. They shared the same happy meal as I sat on the same table, feeling oh so lonely!
What was it? Why was I always tiptoeing around the edge of the friend zone? How is it that the guys I fell for were my closest friends, and could see through all of my cover ups, but this one? Or did they? I do recollect someone hinting to me that I was too good for a guy like him and another friend of mine telling me that I was just like his guy friends, like buddies you know.
Yes, it hurt, and no, I did not get used to it. It hurt every single time it happened, and the pain got worse. But I got over it. Because somewhere deep inside my heart, I believed that one day, someone will call me at 2 in the night, and say, “I am in love… With you”.