To have or not to have sex, is a choice that is extremely personal. Nothing and no one should be forcing you to make this choice when you are not ready for it. And that someone can even be your boyfriend. There is nothing wrong with him wanting to have sex, but if you are not ready, then there is no excuse good enough to force yourself into it. Most of the times, he doesn’t just suggest the idea of having sex out of the blue. He will make subtle advances to test the waters, and that is when you need to steer him towards a “No” if you are not ready. Here is how to tell him you are not ready to have sex...
1. Be confident about your decision and that will speak for itself
More often than not our attitude and body language are better conversationalists than our tongue. Being in a relationship or being in love with someone does not mean you are obliged to have sex with them. Be firm on your stand and your attitude and body language will automatically reflect it. If you have the right guy by your side, he will accept and respect your choices, including that of abstaining from sex till you feel up to it.
2. When he comes very close…
When both of you are alone, it is natural to feel the need to come closer to each other and have some intimate moments. As much as you may enjoy being in his arms, the way he holds you makes a difference. If he is hugging you from behind, and maybe starts to touch your boobs and you are not comfortable with that, make a gentle move and alter your position a bit (may be face him). More often than not he will get the hint.
3. When you make out and his hand wanders…
A sexual encounter mostly starts with a kiss, because it is the most gentle yet sensual way of coming close to your loved one. If you are comfortable with making out, it does not necessarily mean you are ready to have sex too. So if during your makeout session his hand wanders to “other places”, don’t just pull away with a jerk. Instead gently take his “wandered” hand in yours and hold it there till you break away from the kiss. Once you are done just tell him that you are not ready to take it to the next level yet.
4. Bring it up in your regular conversations…
Your boyfriend may be clueless about how you feel about having sex. In your day to day conversations, give him a little insight into how you feel about it, and whether or not you are ready. In a regular conversation about relationships you could mention things like, you feel sex is important but it is more important for both of the partners to be ready. Depending on the conversation you are having, you can let him know how you feel about taking your relationship to the next level just yet.
5. Sexting and phone sex…
Our phones have managed to invade even our sexual spaces, so chances are he will try sexting or having phone sex before you actually get physical with him. Take the opportunity to let him know that you are not ready for it yet. Let him know where the line is, what you're comfortable doing and what you're not. It's totally okay to indulge in phone sex but not the real thing and it's also okay to not want to do any of it. But be clear with him or he might end up a bit confused.
6. When you are spending the night together…
Spending a night together does NOT necessarily mean that you have to end up having sex. So if you have planned to spend the night together, plan something fun for the night, like a movie marathon accompanied with your favorite food/snacks. Let him know how you intend to go about the whole thing and he will most probably pick up on the hint that you do not intend to have sex. Despite that if he does try to make a move, just tell him you are not ready to take the plunge yet.
7. Just tell him you are not ready
We cannot stress enough on how important and effective this is. Instead of beating about the bush and expecting him to pick up hints (or even if you've already tried that and it's not working), it is always better to directly talk to him about it and let him know that you do not want to have sex just yet. It is as simple as that. A decent guy will appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness, and will respect your decision. If he wants to break up with you just because you refuse to have sex with him, then it's probably a red flag.
A guy who truly loves you and cares for you will never bully or threaten you for sex. So don’t feel afraid or ashamed to discuss this with your better half. And don’t feel scared or guilty for walking away from someone who cannot respect your choice.
GIFs: Giphy, Tumblr
HAVE A STORY IDEA FOR POPxo? If you want to hear about it, we can write about it! Just tell us your idea here!
MUST-READ: 10 Questions NO Girl Wants To Answer During Sex!
MUST-READ: 7 Surprising Things That Determine *When* A Girl First Has Sex!
Published on Jun 18, 2016