The more nuclear we go with our family set-ups, the more difficult it gets to tolerate living with others. Especially in-laws. Whether you have to live with them out of choice or as a planned decision, here are some things you must know before living with in laws - to make it easier for everyone.
1. Things will not always be easy
...At least initially. No matter how easy-going they seem to be – you are now going to enter their house and things may be difficult. But also know that it is not easy for them either. So keep calm and learn to adjust to your new environs.
2. Not everyone will love you from the very beginning
It’s different when you meet someone once in a while and when you have to share the same roof. There’ll be certain expectations they have and you may not be able to match them, and that’s when things begin to get – umm… uncomfortable. Like they say…not everyone needs to like you – you are not pizza…;-)
3. Respect, not love will be the foundation of your relationship
Yours may or may not be a love marriage and your spouse could be madly in love with you but you can’t expect the same kind of love and attention from your in-laws. At least, not in the beginning. You’ll have to earn each other’s love. Until then, make do with mutual respect.
4. You will need to set boundaries
As rude or formal as this may sound, you will have to do it. From what’s acceptable to you and them, to sharing the workload, to determining your space and time with your spouse. Be lenient but at the same time, know where to draw the line.
5. You may not have private moments often
Of course, you’ll have your bedroom time but there may not be any privacy in the day. You can’t cuddle or feed each other off the same plate, nor can you sit on his lap and watch TV – none of the sensuous stuff in front of them - but hey, no one has stopped you from stealing a few moments here and there (away from their eyes, of course). It’s still romantic!
6. You must stay out of family arguments
Yes, you are a part of their family now but your few weeks or months in the house don’t match up to the years of togetherness they’ve had. They’ll fight today and patch up tomorrow, so never, ever take sides.
7. Your hubby will be on his mommy’s side
And so would you if it was Mom vs the World, right? Don’t waste your mascara on this – not worth it. You have time enough to make him see your point of view.
8. You’ll have to find your own rhythm
Living with the in-laws can bring on all sorts of stress and emotions. From the taste of food being different to varying attitudes of your new family’s members – you may find yourself detached at a lot of levels. It’s okay. You have to look at the positive side and see the things that interest you. Your husband, for instance. :P
9. You’ll have to ask for help
You may have been a superhero all your life or you may want to prove that you can do it on your own, but when you need a hand, keep your ego on the shelf and ask for it.
10. It’ll only get better
The first few days are tough when adjusting to your new environs, but you should know that it’ll only get easier from this point on. Wait for it. At all times, your marriage should remain the number one priority.