I grew up playing with dolls, just like many of you did. I got my doll to bake cakes, arrange her mini kitchen set, brush her hair and change her clothes. And then I would marry her off to a prince, and believe that she lived happily ever after. Do you see what happened to me? I was fed the idea that marriage is an accomplishment from a very young age, which is why I didn’t even question it when I grew up. But, now I do. Here’s why...
1. Your worth is not determined by the man you marry.
But when “bagging” an "eligible bachelor" becomes an achievement, your husband becomes the only thing of value in your life. And, seriously, is your entire identity just the man you marry? We think not.
2. A big, fat wedding is not reflective of your position in society, but of your parent’s position in their society.
It’s great to wear designer clothes and get gorgeous pre-wedding shoots done for your wedding, for it is a huge event in your life after all. But do not confuse having a grand wedding for an accomplishment, for anyone with money could have had it. Plus your parents paid the bills, so if it is an accomplishment for anyone, it is for them.
3. Marriage does not elevate your status in society.
Getting married to another does not make you any more or less important to your friends, family or society than you were as a single woman. Your status is reflected by the contribution you make towards the society, irrespective of who you chose to marry and when.
4. Being a wife and a daughter-in-law to someone should not define you.
Because you are much more. You are all the degrees that you studied hard for, all the examinations you failed, all the nights you prepared. You are the knowledge you have and the value you bring to the table - you’re not just another daughter-in-law to another family.
5. Finding a partner and raising kids with him need not be your end goal in life.
Many years ago, the only way for a woman to secure her life was to get married to a decent man who would look after her. But today, when men and woman stand equal and us girls can pay our bills and look after ourselves, we shouldn’t regress back to living the way we did when we exercised no rights. Today, you have other options.
The only prerequisite for marriage are two willing partners. You don’t need any other qualifications, really. So how does it qualify as an accomplishment?
7. A successful marriage is an accomplishment, yes - but just getting married to someone is not.
A marriage is worked upon by two people for years and years. They share joys and sorrows, they share children and they share what they believe in - and all this takes effort and commitment and compromise, and hence, becomes a worthy feat. But, to feel that you are accomplishing something only because you are getting married is fooling yourself.