Sometimes, it just takes minutes to fall for someone. Yes, it may not last long; the person in question may not have any feelings for you but yet there is an inexplicable force that changes your world. This is how we fall in love.
When I fell for the person in question, I did not know that I had indeed fallen in love with him. I hadn’t even met him and I had no idea what he looked like. He was a writer and all great writers have a way with words that makes everything in the world seem fascinating. When they write, their words add clarity to your thoughts and if you disagree with them they propel you to look further and dig deeper. The more I read his works, the more I got hooked on. I had fallen for the person behind those gripping words.
A few weeks later I got to meet him at a party. We played games, had a few drinks and we clicked instantly. He asked me out a few days later and it was the sweetest first date ever. First dates have this quality of being awkward and nice at the same time and it was exactly like that. We started hanging out often and slowly we realised that we were in love.
He was much like me - our thoughts, our hopes and dreams were very similar. He introduced me to good music and even better literature, and always pushed me to be a better version of myself. I blossomed as a person, I learned about many things from him and he taught me how to love, to be unconditionally in love. I was so happy with him and so in love with him. Nothing seemed out of place; he provided me comfort that no guy had ever been able to provide before. Many times I thought that he was the one. We did almost everything together - eat out, eat in, watch movies, jam together, discover new roads on his Avenger, star gaze - just generally have a good time with each other. I loved being in his company because I felt happy and safe. But, time has a way of changing things and changing people and ultimately changing life.
We were together for a year and after that I moved to India while he moved to Australia. The distance can really get to you even if you try with every grain in your weak body to make things work, to make things last. We changed as people and we fell for other people. For years we never got closure. We kept going back to each other, time and again because with these new people, we never felt a real connection, everything felt superficial. Every New Year’s Eve we would miss each other while we were with someone else. Our midnight kisses with other people never cut it. Like every couple has “their song”, we had ours, and even today I can’t find it in my heart to listen to that song.
We would randomly call each other. He once called me and told me, “I’ve come to the beach, I wish you were here, I miss you”. I bit my lip, hung up and cried. We loved each other but we couldn’t be with each other. We were with other people and we made peace with that. We tried being genuinely happy for each other.
But several failed relationships later, we decided to give our long distance relationship another shot. We slowly realised that only love is not enough to make things work. Over the years, so much had happened to us as individuals, we didn’t even know where to start from. So, one fine day we decided to do the right thing. We really needed closure and so we spoke it out. We realised that what we had was amazing but it was time to move on from it, to keep the memories but not expect anything out of each other. To genuinely move on and be happy for each other.
We have kept our word and now both of us are with other people and in very happy relationships. However, for what he taught me, for all the amazing memories, I will always have a soft corner for him. It may not arise out of love but it comes from a place that’s deeper than love.
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Published on Jun 13, 2016