Ever wondered why they call it "falling in love”? That is because more often than not we have no control over who we love with. You might fall in love with someone you don’t even expect to befriend, and for the seemingly perfect guy you may feel no skipping heartbeats. Like everything else in our life, our perspective about love changes as we grow up. The most significant change takes place in our 20s because that is the age when we all cross over from the teenage years to the semi-adulthood years. Here are a few things about love that you learn in your twenties.
1. Who the “perfect guy” really is.
The “perfect guy” is no longer the one with the best physique or the one who is the most charming or the one who pampers you the most. You have your own definition of "perfect" and more often than not it is way simpler than what it was in your teens.
2. You CAN be second or even third time lucky.
You can be second and even third time lucky in love, and that is OKAY. Your first love does not have to be the forever kind of love always. Sometimes, the first time we fall in love, we are really just in love with the idea of love and not the person.
3. You change, and so do your expectations and priorities.
You undergo a major personality transition in your 20s and that may mean you no longer have the same feelings for the person you were in love with during your teens. The realization may hurt but that is okay. It is better to be honest with yourself than to pretend to feel something you don’t. In the long run this will do you both a world of good!
4. Love takes work but it should not feel like work.
Sustaining a relationship requires effort but that should not make you feel burdened or stuck in a hard place. Love should not be making you challenge or question your goals and values. Most of all, it should not wear you out and make you feel unhappy.
5. The concept of “sacrifice” in love will change.
The concept of sacrifice in love will change for the better as you realize that your dreams and aspirations are no less important than anyone else’s. Some compromises and adjustments are inevitable to keep your relationship afloat, but that does not mean you should be giving up who you are.
6. You are your first love.
Before loving someone else you must learn to love yourself just the way you are. And until you do, you will not find true love or the satisfaction in it. If you constantly feel undeserving of love or a particular person because you think you are not good enough, you will never be happy, no matter how good a person you have by your side.
7. Space is a good thing!
The concept of “giving space” to your partner is a cornerstone of your relationship. Being in a relationship with someone does not mean you have to be with them or track their activities 24x7. You both need to have your own life as individuals, complete with a career, your own friends and some alone time. It is healthy and it is important.
8. Hurt is a part of the deal, and pain is a good teacher!
It’s okay to get hurt because there are some lessons you just have to learn... And the hard way is the only way to learn them. It makes you wiser and more practical and helps you see things more clearly. You learn about your own expectations from love and subsequently you feel more sorted in life.
9. Trying to change someone may not be a good idea.
We all have a list a of vices we can do with and the ones we just cannot stand, and they must be kept in mind while choosing a partner. Evolving and making each other better people is a part of the deal in a relationship, but what is not a part is trying to change each other fundamentally. Even if this happens you may end up with a completely different person, whom you may not even feel the same love for.
10. It is better to be single than to be in the wrong relationship.
Wrong doesn’t necessarily mean that either of you are bad people, it may just mean that you are not compatible as partners. At the same time an abusive or a suffocating relationship is never a good idea.
11. Things may not always work out!
Sometimes things just don’t work out and that is completely fine too. Not everything in this world can be explained by logic. You may both be perfectly awesome individuals, yet things may not work out between the two of you just because.
There is nothing wrong with realizing and learning these things in your twenties. It’s all a part of becoming wiser, ladies! So cheer up and smile. :-)