Movies have taught me a great many things. But one super important thing I learnt from them - life never turns out the way it does in movies. Also, no alien will ever hunt you down or abduct you, and no, you won’t just find the man of your dreams while you sit in a coffee shop reading a book.
Movies also deceived me into believing that sex was easy. That it would be magic, fireworks and “Hallelujahs” all the time. Turns out, you really gotta learn how to have sex. But here’s the thing, my then boyfriend and I had gotten extremely comfortable with each other’s bodies, we both knew what the other liked and sex was fun, easy, smooth. So, we decided we’d try shower sex - we felt ready, I mean how hard could it have been, right? Wrong. It seemed like the steamiest thing to do and so we proceeded towards the bathroom.
If my memory serves me right, it was fall. I remember that it wasn’t very cold but we did need hot water. We left the geyser on for awhile and starting fooling around with each other’s bodies. Having been very used to “doing-it” in the comfort of a bed, we really didn’t know how to really start in the loo. We looked at each other utterly confused and hopeless and wondered what to do next. Yet we had both committed to this and we wanted to see it through. I loved him, he loved me, we loved the sex, so why not? It seemed like the most logical thing to do.
Once we did get into the mood there were many questions involved.
“Do we stand directly under the shower?”
“Does the water make the condom too slippery and will it come off?’”
“Do we shampoo our heads? Is there soap involved in this”.
“How does going down on someone work in this setting?”
“Hey, if the shower is constantly running, will we catch a cold?”
“Is shower sex supposed to last longer than normal sex?’”
And also there were many not-so-sexy statements:
“I can’t even form a straight sentence, the water is dripping down my face, it’s blinding me.”
“Can you for the love of God stop standing on my feet now.”
“You have to be up against the wall. That’s how they do it in the movies.”
Long story short, my first shower-sex experience wasn’t the greatest. While we were just about done arguing about what was to be done and had eased into a particular position, there was a power cut and the geyser stopped working. Cold water shower sex in the month of September, not my cup of tea. So, we got out of the shower, embarrassed and tired - and not to forget we had non-sexy, half-sex.
It’s been quite some time to this little incident. I’ve grown up a lot since then, and of course had a lot more experience as far as sex is concerned. But still after all these years, shower sex is really not my cup of tea!