Unless you live under a rock, you already know that the big, fat Indian wedding is never bereft of stress! Yeah, we wish this wasn’t part of the deal but it honestly comes with being desi. There are some people of course who predictably play their parts to add stress wherever they can. Here’s having a look at some of them.
1. The Hyper Panditji
Yo panditji, we know yours is a very important job and all. But even if you miss a mantra or two, or even omit an entire aarti…we are never going to know! So if you would stop looking so stressed and giving everyone the stink eye, that would be great. It would also help the couple feel a lot better about their big day. Thankyouverymuch.
2. The Harrowed Ramu
The proverbial ‘Ghar ka Ramu’ could very well be called Santosh or Babban. He has the all-important job of keeping the family sane. After all, no one knows the shaadi ka ghar better than him. Now only if he could remember where he kept that pooja ki thaali or the bride’s new shoes. Hmmm. No biggie Ramu, we have all year to find them. NOT.
3. The Unhelpful Bua
She’s come all the way from Amritsar and she won’t let you forget that even for a second. She will make her voice heard and opinion felt no matter what the topic. And how can we not listen to her? She’s ghar ke bade, apart from the fact that she’s obviously done her Ph.D in wedding planning. [Please sense the sarcasm here.]
4. The Daft Decorator
Okay, it’s 3 pm and guests arrive at 4 pm. Firstly, why isn’t the decor complete? Secondly, why hasn’t it started?! Also, why can we only spot baskets of genda phool when the final decision was to go with roses. *Pulls own hair out.*
5. The Under-prepared Parlour People
You had said that the top knot bun will take ten minutes, but it’s been forty and the poor bride looks like she’s in pain. There are 15 other cousins and friends waiting to get ready once the bride is done. Where is the ‘team’ you had promised to bring along?!
6. The Overly Opinionated Uncle
He will have something to say about all the arrangements and will be stressing the parents of the bride/groom out. Dear uncle, this isn’t 1975. Things have changed. Look around. Get a drink or something. It’s all about chilled vibes now. Please get with the program before someone explicitly asks you to.
7. The Wannabe Masterchef
This cousin thinks it is his/her duty to judge all the food available and rate it. How badly do you want to go Gordon Ramsay on this kid?!
8. The Lost Driver
He’s a driver. He’s supposed to know directions, right? Apparently that is too much to ask for. Also, not like GPS has yet been invented or anything. Stop us from rolling our eyes, please!
9. The Underage Drinker
Of course this 14-year-old nephew of the bride not only consumed alcohol but threw up everywhere and created a scene. Of course!
10. The Spoilt Rich Cousins
We all have those cribbing cousins who come from such a privileged background that they find everything not-up-to-the-mark. They make loud observations about everything from the food to the weather. They dress to upstage the couple and they spend a large part of the evening creating a ruckus. Dear cousins, if we could change one thing about the wedding…it would be the fact that you just had to be on the guest list.
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