Having grown up in India, we are used to getting advice thrown at us, be it from that nosy neighbour, pesky relative or the aunty sitting next to us on the metro. We know how to ignore those ‘nuggets of wisdom’ but what happens when the advice is well-meant and from our moms, sisters, bffs, guy friends – the ones who are our go-to people for advice? Here are some helpful tips about when to use and not use their advice, especially when it comes to relationships.
1. When You Say No To Trading Places
If you would not like to be in the shoes of the person you are seeking advice from, then it is not the smartest idea to follow in their footsteps. If they are themselves single, unhappily married or have not been in a serious relationship, perhaps they wouldn’t be able to give you the kind of advice you are looking for?
2. Dysfunctional Funks
No matter how close you are to certain friends, if you see them unable to maintain the major relationships in their life, be it with their husband/boyfriend or immediate family members, then asking them for advice is a step in the wrong direction. Google what to do, or even ask your boss, but do not follow their path.
3. The Shaadi-karo Brigade
This is usually the same as the weight lose-karo waali party. They only have one or two legitimate things on their mind and every thought stems from those - including unwanted advice. Unless you want to be made to feel bad about your single existence or ‘healthy’ body, just tune out, tune out, tune out. Multiply hard numbers in your head like Joey from Friends if you have to!
4. What’s the Goss?
Some folks want to know your problems just because they’re juicy. Maybe they won’t even pass it on like gossip mongers do, but to ruminate over it without offering solutions to you is not an ideal scenario. Most probably they will compete with you, and tell you how they suffer from the same thing or even worse!
5. It’s All About Me!
We all have those friends who make us second-guess if we really said the right thing. The moment a statement comes out of our mouths, like “it’s hot weather today” it becomes about them – how they like the heat or how much they don’t like it and so on. Where relationships are concerned, every statement about your significant other is matched with a statement about their SO. If you like poker, you may like this technique to carry on and actually have a conversation. Otherwise, legitimate advice from such folks can take a while.
6. Online Magazines And Websites
Some magazines and websites are sexist or just not equipped to handle serious relationship concerns. Choose a site wisely, with good repute and social standing, if you are to follow their relationship tips.
7. But I Didn’t Ask You!
Some people just love to play Aunt or Uncle Agony, whether you ask them or not. Maybe you just told them you had a fight with your guy or even your mother and want to simply vent. But they go on to lecture you about what you can do to fix it, how they fixed their relationship or even somebody else’s with the same advice. You don’t need this.
8. Negative Nutters
Some friends are of the kind that they’ll agree with everything terrible going on in the world. “Is country ka kuch nahiin hoga.”“Men are like that only. You can’t do anything about it.” It’s not fun to be around such people when you need a bit of optimistic advice or a pep talk. You’ll be even more down in the dumps than before. Walk away, walk away fast.
9. Basic Instinct
While we cannot walk away or ask the people giving us advice to simply FO, we can listen to them, albeit with an open mind and smile on our faces, and do what our gut tells us in the end. After all, it’s advice, not a bunch of instructions.