In your relationship there will be two occasions which will not only cause you to have butterflies in your stomach, but will also make you feel as if the whole damn animal kingdom is partying in there! The first one is of course, the moment he proposes to you (or maybe vice versa), and the second one is when you have to break the ‘I have a boyfriend’ news to your parents. So is there any RIGHT way to do this? Well girls, the news is sure to cause a mini familial earthquake, but yes, there are things you can do to minimize the intensity of the tremors. Let’s dive into it!
1. Don’t try to be the roadrunner
We all have our share of flings – and not all relationships are meant to work out. So before you scamper off to your parents, out of excitement or the sheer tension of getting it out of your system, do give it a thought. Are we serious about this? Do we see a future with each other? Are we in a place where we can make commitments? Have we been together long enough to answer all these questions? Ask yourself all this, and if the answer to any of them is a ‘no’ or a ‘maybe’, then you probably need a few more days on the calendar to get this sorted.
2. Sibling power
Remember how it always felt better to be scolded along with your sibling than to be the only one being scolded? So yes! Take the help of your sibling. If you are close enough to him/her/them then share the news with them first, and get them on your side. Chances are that they will take it well, and that will give you some confidence. Also, now you are not alone in the battle. You have your own little army to help you calm your nerves.
3. A friend like all others
I have always found this to be an awesome idea. Whenever you are discussing your friends with your parents, make sure he is on the list. Just like you talk about all other friends, talk about him too. So later on, when you break the news to them, the name will not sound alien to them and they will already know him a little. It will make them feel that you know this guy and have been friends with him, and it’s not just a random person you have fallen for.
4. What time is the right time?
Once you have decided to let loose the goose, it is important that you choose the right time to do so. If your dad was attending back to back meetings for 4 hours, and then his car tyre got punctured, and then he had to pick your mother up from work, and to top it all he hasn’t eaten anything all day, then you probably should hold on! Choose an evening or a weekend where all of you are relaxed and in a good mood – so that any discussions around the topic do not turn into a war.
5. Should I tell mom first or dad first? Or both? Or no one?!
This can be a bit tricky at times, but you should go with your gut. One of the parents might be more of a confidant to you than the other, so tell that parent first. Go out on a walk with them or someplace peaceful and then spill the beans. If you are equally comfortable with both of them, then by all means just tell them both together. But do so in a calm and composed manner, without getting all jumpy and sweaty.
6. Don’t get all lovey dovey. Leave bollywood alone!
“Mom, I feel like we get along really well and we just understand each other”, may be a better idea than “Maa main usse bahut pyar karti hun. Main uske bina mar jaungi”. Keep the conversation simple. Say what you like about him, how you two get along, and how you would like to give the relationship a chance.
7. Questions galore
What does he do? Who all are there in his family? What do his parents do? What are his future plans? How long have you been dating? Do his parents know? These are only a fraction of the million questions you are going to be bombarded with. And truth be told, it’s absolutely fine because parents would want to know every single minute detail about the guy who their daughter is with. Patiently answer as many as you can and if there is a question you are not comfortable answering, or perhaps do not know how to explain, say so in a polite way. Do not get cranky or offensive or defensive. Deep breaths, girl, deep breaths.
8. Tell them why
Say things like “I want you to be a part of this aspect of my life because you both mean the world to me” or “I don’t want to keep you in the dark about this or lie about something like this”. It instills confidence in them, about the fact that they are well informed about whatever is going on in your life. It will consequently make them trust you more and you will be able to discuss your relationship like an adult instead of them thinking of it as juvenile or inappropriate behaviour on your part.
9. Let it sink in
Don’t look for a lavish approval right away. Even if they say some negative things about him, do not react or make it an ego issue. Let them come to terms with the fact. It is as big a change for them as it is for you. You might not understand their possessiveness or concern right now, but later in life you too will realize they couldn’t have been more right.
Remember girls, your parents have loved, adored and cared for you all your life – and they would never want you to be unhappy. They are just concerned and want to make sure you have chosen someone who deserves you. It doesn’t have to become a warzone, just go step by step. It might take some time, but in the end, the pieces will fall into the place. Good luck!
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