competitive girl

Confessions Of A Girl Who Hates Losing


Guest Contributor

I never quite used to get it when people would compare me with Monica from Friends. "What are they talking about?," I often used to wonder. "I’m not obsessed with cleanliness?... I’m not going to kill someone if they drop a few cookie crumbs on my carpet?"...But it wasn’t these things because of which they used to compare me with her. No. I realised later that it was Monica’s competitive streak which would make them think that I was like her!

And it is fair - I’ve never liked being second best at anything. I mean, truth be told, I’d rather not do something at all, than be the second best at it. It’s just not “me”. I like to work hard towards the stuff that interests me. And then, I like to be the best at it. I can’t help it. It’s this itch that I have - an innate quality that just drives me crazy if someone else happens to be better at something that I’m great at!

It all started when I was only a young girl at school, really. I used to like participating in almost every extra-curricular activity. My teachers used to say that I was an all-rounder, a multi-talented student. Not only did I excel at academics, but I also won every single competition that I participated in - be it dance, music, art, debates, declamations, theatre - I was always the star of every show. And whenever I used to participate in team activities, my teammates used to look at me with hope - as if I was their knight in shining armour! And as if with me by their side, victory just had to be theirs! I used to love it.

But then, I hadn’t been competing with anyone. I had simply been the best. Everyone’s favourite. The popular kid who the teachers had also seemed to love. That was rare - but it had been me.

When I graduated from school and entered a world of partial reality (It was only after college that I realised that I had not yet been living full reality until then), I realised there was actual competition out there. There actually were people who were as good as me, if not better. I had never experienced this! It was a reality check like no other. I wasn’t the knight in shining armour anymore. I was simply a part of a team - a team that relied on no single person. Everyone got equal credit and everyone put in equal effort. But oh well, I thought, I’d still get back in my game. I wanted to be THE best again. Only this time, not to impress anyone. Instead, just to impress myself.

Internal Competitive girl

And so I began. I worked hard to get back into that place of the star which I’d occupied in school. And yes, I was noticed and I was appreciated! But it was never the same. No matter how hard I worked, there was always someone who was at least as good as me.

College ended and thus began my life as a working professional. Once again, I thought this would be where I would shine. This would be where everyone would soon rely on me so much that I would become indispensable. But in the real world, no one is indispensable. We’re all replaceable - no matter how good we are. I decided genuinely at this point to stop competing with another person.

I had made this promise to myself in college as well, but had I stuck to it? Not really! I had become so competitive by the time I had graduated from college that I was competing even with my friends and my boyfriend! It was then that I began to realise what they had meant when they called me “Monica”. So I figured the best way to channelise this competitiveness of mine was to try and better myself every single day - that would be my competition, that would be my rush. To try an achieve a target that was just slightly higher than the one I’d set myself the day before. To be a little better than yesterday - everyday. Whether it was as a person, as a friend, as a girlfriend, as a daughter, at work - wherever and whenever.


So that’s exactly what I do now. I try and be the best version of myself everyday. I try a little harder, I do a little more. And as far as competing with other people goes - there is no harm in some healthy competition every now and then, right? Except I don’t do it in the obvious, very out-there, almost obnoxious way in which I used to, earlier. I do it in a very subtle, quiet way. It keeps me on my toes, but it prevents me from losing my head! I might not be someone else’s knight in shining armour anymore, but I definitely am my own. :)

Images: Shutterstock

HAVE A STORY IDEA FOR POPxo? If you want to hear about it, we can write about it! Just tell us your idea here!

MUST-READ: Confessions Of A Girlfriend Who Doesn’t Want To Have Sex

MUST-READ: Confessions Of An Overly Attached Girlfriend
Published on Apr 22, 2016
POPxo uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website More info

Discuss things safely!

Sign in to POPxo World

India’s largest platform for women

Start a poll Ask a question
Trending Now
Subscribe to POPxo Buzz