In India, when you get married, you actually end up marrying into each other’s families. Even if you live separately, your in-laws will play an important role in shaping your marriage, especially in the early days. As close as you may be to them, there are some lines that are best not crossed or blurred. Here are a few things best not discussed with them!
1. Think carefully before offering advice
Even though you are now a part of their family, know that it takes ages to be accepted as a real member. Don't jump in with unsolicited advice. If you have a solution for a crisis that they haven’t asked your help with, share it with your husband first and let him take it forward. Once the problem is solved, let him give you credit for it and earn your brownie points.
2. When they come calling...
Yes, of course there is a need for your own space and you have your own schedule, but know that your in-laws might want to drop in anyway. Whether it’s to check on you or to visit their son and, later, the grandkids. Don’t be the person who tells them they are unwelcome at certain times - it might create long-standing resentment. Discuss this with your husband and let him be the one who intervenes when it comes to the boundaries conversation.
3. Let the past be the past
You may have had a rocking single life – of late nights and after-office booze and weekend stay-ins. They need not know! Sharing slightly scandalous stories should happen only when they have gotten to know you well and love you for who you are - you don’t want their opinions coloured by inessential details.
4. Relative grumbles
So you don’t like your distant aunt-in-law and her nosy nature? Let it be. Think of it as a temporary phase of discomfort, put on a smiling face and move on. A little diplomacy never hurt anyone.
5. Their tastes when they don’t match yours
Don’t criticize their taste in clothes, colour or food. After all, you don’t want to open the door to them commenting on your choices. Agree to quietly disagree.
6. Hubby troubles
They may be really friendly with you and you may want to pour your heart out to them about your latest tiff with your spouse. Don’t. Remember that he is their son /brother, after all.
7. Their parenting skills
You think their son’s a spoilt brat sometimes, or he always leaves the wet towel on the bed - well, have it out with your husband. Questioning their parenting skills isn’t going to help solve anything. .
8. Your parents vs his
This would always be a never-ending debate, so just steer clear. There are no best sides, so no point comparing.
9. Asking for intervention
It’s not a great idea to ask them to mediate in your couple troubles or request them to speak to your husband on your behalf. Remember, he’s been there son/ brother a lot longer than he’s been your husband - asking them to choose sides might be counter productive.
10. Your sex life!
You may be superbly close to your sister-in-law, but the last thing you want is your hubby's sister imagining your positions in bed. Respectful boundaries are always the better bet.
Published on Mar 14, 2016