The saas bahu relation is always under scrutiny. For some reason people believe that MILs and DILs can never be friends! Sure, your saas can never replace your mom but a little effort from both sides can ensure a strong, and loving, bond. Here are the most common reasons that give rise to petty fights with mother in law and how you can avoid them.
1. Adapting to ‘new house’ rules
If you’re living with the in-laws, they might expect you to tweak your lifestyle to their house rules. Like, wake up early, not wander around in your PJs or give the late night parties a rest.
Solution: It’s just a phase that comes with being newly married. Try and go by the rules of the house for the first few months and once your bond with the MIL is stronger, you can totally be yourself. Also, at a later time, let her know that you’re just not a morning person or you really do need to party or that Sunday is equal to pajama day for you! Most MILs are pretty chill these days and themselves ask you to take it easy.
2. Dress like a married woman!
Yeah, this is such a common problem! Apparently there is something known as ‘dressing like a married woman’ which MILs may expect you to adopt once you’ve tied the knot. Besides clothing, it could even include wearing accessories which are the suhaag ki nishaani - mangalsutra, bangles, bindi or sindoor.
Solution: There is nothing much you can do apart from trying to make your mother-in-law understand your point of view. If that doesn’t help, request your husband to talk to your mother, or the sisters, bhabis or female cousins can pitch in a word. Try and not be an outright rebel - give it time. Mindsets don’t change overnight.
3. My mom is world’s best!
Let’s admit it, we girls end up comparing the MIL to our moms. Our moms cook tastier food, take much better care of the house and being around ‘mumma’ is just too much fun! More than that, we sometimes end up spending our birthdays and long weekends with our family rather than the in-laws.
Solution:Never, ever compare. It’s wrong to draw a comparison between your MIL and mom, and expecting the exact same relationship will not get you anywhere. Never tell your MIL how your mother did something better than her. It’s totally cool to go visit your folks as and when you like, but do make sure to spend quality time with the in-laws too. In fact, why not include them in family outings so parents from both the sides can bond too!
4. Who’s the boss?!
It’s natural for the lady of the house to feel threatened once the DIL steps in. She might not like that you’re giving the house a makeover or the utensils have moved from their usual place and the bai too is sticking up for you.
Solution: First, do you really want to be the one running the household? If not, then consider working with her established routines. If you want the responsibility, it’s better to ease your way in. Let your MIL know that you’re not here to be the superwoman of the house. Involve her in everything, ask for her advice and make sure she feels like a part of all decision making. Not only will this prevent fights but also make your bond stronger.
5. Work-life balance *is a hard thing to master*!
Though not true for all, some mother-in-laws cannot deal with working bahus. Late hours, hectic schedules and travel for work may leave you with less time for house and family matters, and that can spell disaster. Your in-laws might expect you to cook, help out with chores, lend a helping hand with the housework, visit relatives or just be around.
Solution: Get a maid! Haha, no seriously, you need to get your priorities right. As far as your work schedule is not affecting yours and your hubby’s relationship, it’s alright. But do make an effort, once in a while, to please your saasu ma. She’ll be happy that you listened and honoured what she asked for.
6. She’s no longer #1
Yes, it’s heartbreaking for our mums to see their daughters get married and walk away, but the sons’ mothers too have their own set of emotions to struggle with. It’s possible for a woman to feel insecure of the new woman who’ll now be number one in her son’s life and priorities.
Solution: Your husband has a huge role to play in making sure that both the women in his life get his equal attention and time. On your part, encourage your man to make exclusive plans with his mom and give the two enough space and time.