“Compromise” In A Relationship - Good, Bad Or Unavoidable?
Smriti NotaniGuest Contributor
On conducting extensive research we found that the word compromise can mean two things:
1. An agreement or settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
2. The expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable.
Okay, fine, we used Google.
But the point is, this is a very interesting note to begin on while talking about compromise in the context of relationships.
Do we all compromise in relationships? Are relationships, by their very nature, synonymous with compromise? Does compromise mean we are settling for something less? Is there a way to not compromise at all? I think it’s time we break it down!
To begin with, which relationship does not involve compromise? Do you not compromise TV time when Mom’s show comes on? Or does the bestie not hold in her big news because you are upset and crying? Whether you call it that or not, compromise is a big part of every relationship we are in. I think we just happen to make it a huge-ass deal when it comes to those of the romantic kind.
If you feel like you are always being made to compromise, then that’s something to think about. If you are feeling it that much, then “compromise” is just a way being used to guilt you into doing things you don’t want to do. But if you both are making adjustments to be with each other and make it work, then that is just compromise in its healthiest form.
The degree of compromise also depends on which stage of relationship you are in. If you are just getting to know each other, then you should be in the happy, tingly, phase of the relationship. If at this very stage you are feeling that you have to make too many compromises, then that’s a potential red flag. When you’re in a long-term relationship, you naturally become more accustomed to making adjustments in your life to suit the other. In a marriage, this is even more so. What we call “making compromises” at 16 is probably what we call “being an adult” at 26.
The thing with life is, it doesn’t come with an instruction manual. But that’s where our gut instincts kick in. If you think about it, they help us navigate through life like an inbuilt GPS system. When it comes to making compromises in a relationship, this system could prove to be very useful. If you inherently keep feeling bad or unworthy whenever you compromise in your relationship, that’s your gut instinct telling you something is wrong. On the contrary, even if you are making so-called compromises but your heart is happy and life is filled with good vibes, that’s a huge sign right there!
So are we saying compromise is okay? Hell yeah! If you are going to act like a princess who expects everyone to adjust for you and do things in accordance to you, get over yourself. Love and friendship are two-way streets. Think of compromise as the hover-board you need to smoothly cruise along these streets. Having said that, if you don’t feel right in your heart about crossing to the other side, yet someone seems to be forcing you...resist. Say no. There’s nothing wrong with saying no – and that’s a lesson I wish all women would learn.
Ultimately, when it’s the right person, nothing will seem like a “compromise”*... and that’s just the long and the short of it. :-)
*No, not even waiting patiently while he watches the football match and screams incoherently at the TV…for the third time that week.