A lot of us who are young and new at relationships think we will eventually find the “right” guy. But what we need is the right mindset to deal with a guy - any guy - and everything will fall into place. If you're awesome at relationships, you'll never end up in a bad one. Here's how...
1. Accept The Inevitable
No two people are the same and you are bound to have some differences. Get it out of your system that you and your guy have to agree about everything. Instead, set up a system where you agree to disagree.
If you are getting serious with your partner, time to sit down and talk about your future: what you are ready to compromise on and what you aren't ready to give up.
2. Good Old Time Out
When things get ugly and turn into name-calling, and the use of ultimates like “always” and “never” dominate your argument, then pause the fight. Tell your partner you want to resolve things in a few hours or the next day when you are both calmer. Do sleep over an argument when you need to, but keep the love.
3. Always Keep The Love
Do not withhold your affection from your partner, no matter how angry you are. If you have an argument at a party or on the phone, do not stop communicating or leave the situation unless you really have to. Convey that you're angry, but do not let it affect your behaviour - and always bring up the issue later, in person.
4. Do Bring It Up
Do not let issues go unresolved. Small disagreements are better than a full-blown fight. A simple statement will suffice, such as: “I love you, but I am not comfortable with what you said or did there and I would like to talk about it.”
5. Give - In Order To Receive
Let go of the need to be the “right” one in the relationship. Sometimes supporting your partner and allowing them to feel heard is more important. Remember, if you give love, you will receive love.
6. Unwritten Feelings, Unread Messages
It is easy to convey feelings through phone calls and text messages. If there was ever a “never” in relationship advice, this is it. Never continue a fight over text or a call. You and your partner deserve to fight it out in person. Texting when angry will escalate the issue.
If need be, write a letter to collect your thoughts. Make coherent points, list solutions and read them out to your guy while sitting with him.
7. Parting Ways
If your relationship is too much work, you might want to think about whether you're at the right time in your life to devote all your energy to it. Serious relationships require serious work and unless you're sorted in your work, family, and social life - this will be an added challenge.
It's possible you would be better placed for a relationship...in a year’s time, or maybe even three years’ time. Till then it's best to make your priorities clear to your partner.