“How come you don’t have a boyfriend?”
If my life had a FAQ section, this question would be at the top of the list. Yet, no one would ever get a definite answer.
Every time anyone asks me this question I have no idea how to answer. So, I have a variety of reactions – from just a glaring stare to a “I don’t know” shrug to resting bitch face – which totally depends on who is asking me. If a cute guy asks this, I make some flirty comments. 😉
Technically, I have been single for the last 10 years; it means that the last time I was in a committed relationship was a decade ago. In the last 10 years, I have had a couple of flings, one “what is this” kind of relationship (we both knew we liked each other but it never materialized into anything concrete) and even met two guys my parents had introduced to me as prospective-husband candidates.
In the same time span, I saw one of my best friends go through three serious relationships and a couple of flings, another one broke up with her boyfriend of six years and is now seeing a guy but is in no mood to commit, and yes, another very close friend got engaged to her boyfriend of 10 years. The low-down on my friends’ dating history was just to give you a perspective as to what all can happen in a girl’s dating life in that time span. Every time my mum comes to know that one of my friends is with a new guy, she looks at me with that “how come you can’t find a guy” look.
I have a love-hate kind of relationship with my single status. There are times when I REALLY wish I had someone in my life…someone I can throw tantrums at without any particular reason. Frankly speaking, it isn’t the same when you do that with your friends; believe me, I have tried doing so with my guy bestie and I always get a two-word reply: “Get married”. Someone to fight with when you are just so pissed at life but there is no one to blame, someone to cuddle with after a hard day at work, someone with whom you feel safe when you are vulnerable. Someone to make me feel special…it is so nice to have that person.
But then there also are times when I am so so glad to be single. And this happiness about being single is never stronger than during Valentine’s Day… I know it is hard to believe, but this is the truth. Every single girl is not dreading the whole V Day drama because she has no one to celebrate it with – she is actually happy they don’t have to be a part of all the drama. And let me tell you that when single girls say this, it isn’t cynicism or a defence mechanism. The way love is stereotyped for the sake of capitalism is just so bleh. Also, I really find handling mushy things awkward… Hmmmm, is that why I am single?!
Jokes aside, you can’t deny that there is a certain sense of freedom when you are unattached. You don’t have to always take into consideration someone else while making plans, be it simply “what should I do this weekend?” or big life decisions. Let me clarify here, I am not implying that a guy will hold you back; but when you are in a relationship, the decisions you make will be based on what is good for the both of you. For instance, I don’t think it would have been possible for me to move to another country for my career if I were in a serious relationship.
I know there are girls who just can’t stay single; they have to be in a relationship. I have two friends who fit this definition; recently they both went through a rough breakup, but within days they were already dying to be in a relationship. I sat them down and told them that being single is not all that bad, it can actually be healthy, especially when you are just out of a relationship. You need time to be on your own, to understand yourself and to figure out what you want in life. Find your own definition of who you are without being someone’s girlfriend.
This brings me to another confession point: single girls don’t think about guys ALL THE TIME. We have a life beyond that. In fact, who can better understand the problems and joys of having a life without being in the dating scene better than us? 🙂
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