My first relationship was long-distance, and so the intimate moments were few and apart. They were intense and emotional, yes - but we hardly had any time to explore and were often busy just catching up on the kisses and cuddles in the months lost.
So when my first relationship ended and I found myself in love again - I was comparatively, well, naive. My boyfriend, on the other hand, was my complete opposite, who had been with quite a few women. And no, he wasn’t in a relationship with all these women, nor did he have just one night stands with them - he simply explored his sexual needs, wants and desires in their company. He thought of sex like a form of art. Yeah, I know how that sounds - like a load of crap, ‘coz that’s what it sounded like to my ears too. But over the years, I realised it wasn’t so...
A few months into our relationship, I started reading more about people like him - people who really do treat sex like an art form. For them, it’s not about the act, but rather about giving pleasure to their partner in new and different ways. Their partner’s pleasure is their adrenaline rush. And their ability to keep at it, by exploring the human body and the way it reciprocates to touch, is what their art boils down to in the end.
Well, all this was new and uncomfortable knowledge to me. But when he applied this theory to practice, boy, was he good. He had to get into it bit by bit, and be extremely patient with me because I was super hesitant. Sometimes, he would ask me to skip physiotherapy to let him give me a hot oil massage - and at other times he would just get ice or chocolate to you know…spice things up.
But on most days, he would just explore my body. He had a way of continuously looking at my face for my expressions - to see how I was responding to his touch and. um, speed. It was like he wanted to prolong the foreplay, and make sure that I was very, very aroused before I would finally climax. Isn’t that every girl’s dream? To find a guy who wants to work towards pleasuring her and keeps coming up with exciting ideas to help her orgasm (sometimes, multiple times at once!)? Well, it is fun, yes - but on some days, I would just get tired of it all.
Don’t get me wrong. I loved everything he did. But it came at a price - he wanted his favors returned too. Call me lazy, but I didn’t want to worry about coming up with new ideas to excite my partner in bed - every single time! To be honest, it felt like a job. Or a partnership of sorts - where my partner was doing his job well, but I was failing in satisfying him. To be fair, he had been at it far longer and had the experience and confidence to try new stuff with me… But me, I was new and shy and in a few months had completely run out of ideas. I felt I could never satisfy him - and no matter how hard I tried, I just wasn’t all that inspired like him, in bed.
Sometimes, the foreplay felt like too much effort and I just wanted to get to the act. Which was totally fine with him because a quickie was exciting too at first - but then he would get bored of it, and would want us to do something interesting with the quickie too!
I don’t think many men take note of their partner’s pleasure like my boyfriend did, but I just didn’t want to keep worrying about “matching his skills” in bed. Because I couldn’t.
Well, that relationship came to a close too for different reasons. And even though I do miss those passionate make-out sessions, I am also kinda relieved that I am under no pressure to come up with something “exciting” every time. Too much excitement is not always such a great thing in bed!