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What Actually Happened The First Time I Tried Having Phone Sex

My boyfriend and I had been seeing each other for a few months when we decided that we should take things up a notch or two. We had been making out a bit, but we were both the shy sort and we’d never gone beyond kissing and some touching. Every time we even tried talking about what we should do next, we’d both look at each other, turn red in the face and then stutter awkwardly. And then we finally hit upon the perfect idea to take things forward: phone sex!

This was a time before smartphones and WhatsApp, and sexting as a concept didn’t even exist. Which is why talking dirty seemed the only way for us to progress to the next level. Accordingly, we set up a “phone sex” date - late at night, after both our families had gone to sleep.

He called me at the stroke of midnight. As you might guess, I was pretty excited by then! This whole thing just seemed so daring. After an awkward hello, and some pleasantries about the day, he finally said, “What are you wearing?”

“A very scandalous nightgown!” I replied. Of course, I was wearing nothing of the sort. Since the only place in the house I could have total privacy was the balcony, there was absolutely no chance that I would risk getting spotted by my neighbours in a revealing nightgown outside. Besides, I didn’t even own a sexy nightgown - I shared a room and a cupboard with my ten-year-old sister, and my mom would have had a heart attack at the sight of some skanky looking item of clothing hidden away somewhere.

“Describe it to me…” he said.

And so I did. Using my vivid imagination to embroider the details of this non-existent item. As I said naughtier and naughtier things, his breathing started getting heavier. So clearly this was working - yay!

The conversation got steamier as he told me how he was going to rip that nightgown off me and then kiss and touch me all over my body. Even my heart was racing and I was getting very turned on. One stray thought floated into my head about lots of money getting wasted because that nightgown sounded super-expensive in my imagination, but I decided to move past that and concentrate on how sexy this was. I was finally talking dirty with a guy I really liked - maybe someday soon we would be doing this for real!

“Now tell me what you want to do to me,” he said after a few minutes.

“First I’m going to unbuckle your belt…” I said.

I was expecting a sound of pleasure at my words, but what greeted me was dead silence.

“Hello?” I said. “Are you still there?”

No answer.

I looked down at my phone and realized that the battery had discharged completely. Ugh, bugger. I couldn’t leave him hanging at such a crucial moment!

phone sex

I crept back into my bedroom and grabbed hold of my charger. But the socket for the charging point was behind my sister’s bed, and there was just no way she would stay asleep through my call. She was a light sleeper, and usually woke up at the slightest noise.

I tiptoed out of the room and shut the door behind me. I stopped for a second to listen outside the door, but all was silent. She hadn’t woken up. I walked down the hallway and repeated the listening exercise outside my parents’ bedroom door. All quiet there too.

I made my way to the living room and unplugged the TV and stuck my charger into the socket. Yes, charging! I hadn’t switched on any lights since I didn’t want to risk anyone waking up, and I couldn’t pull up a chair without making any noise either. So I crouched awkwardly next to the TV table and dialled my boyfriend’s number.

He answered at the first ring. “Babe, what happened?!”

I explained. After calling me an idiot, and me apologizing, we resumed our naughty conversation.

Within minutes, we were both hot and horny again. By now we were talking about touching each other down there, so you can imagine our levels of excitement. Our voices were all low and husky, and I at least was drowning in a wave of arousal. He said he wanted to, uh, kiss me down there, and I couldn’t help a low moan escaping my throat...  

“Didi, what are you doing?!”

WTF!! I turned around, and there stood my little sister at the door to living room, shining a torch at me.

“Whaa… What are you doing here?” I asked, quickly disconnecting the call.

“I heard talking and thought maybe there were thieves and came to check,” said my sister. “But why are you breathing like that? Are you having an asthma attack? Are you trying to call the doctor?”

Oh. My. God. I just wanted to die right then and there.

I shushed her and dragged her back to our room and gave her a lecture about the foolishness of trying to hunt thieves in the middle of the night.

“Okay,” she said. “But what were YOU doing?”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” I said. “Now go to sleep.”

The next morning, I told her some vague story about how I was trying to listen to music on my phone and didn’t want to wake her up. She obviously didn’t believe me. So I bribed her with chocolate and gave her my fancy perfume so that she wouldn’t at least talk about it in front of my parents.

Luckily for me and my boyfriend, while the ending to our phone sex session was quite disastrous, the call served to strip any shyness and inhibitions from us. And we decided to do it for real instead. :P

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Images: Shutterstock

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Published on Feb 07, 2016
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