It was a random Thursday evening when I first tried my hand at sexting. My boyfriend and I had been together for many years, from before people used to have smartphones, so “dirty chatting” had never been a thing for us. In fact, we were so much of an “old married couple” type pair that I suspect our friends probably thought we had the most boring romance in the world.
Anyway, so this was a Thursday that also happened to be 31st of July - and you know what that means... The last day for filing taxes! Which is exactly what I was spending my evening doing. I’d worked as a consultant with multiple companies the previous year, so my stuff was a complete mess. So I was on email with my accountant while he sorted through the massive numbers of bills and papers I’d handed to him earlier that day, and dutifully creating accounts, logging in and filling forms at what felt like a hundred tax related portals.
It was quite late in the evening, and so I’d actually gotten into bed with my laptop and my phone. When the boyfriend messaged, it was almost 11 and I was bored to tears. And I couldn’t even chuck it all and go off to sleep since everything had to be wrapped up by midnight.
“What are you up to?” read Ankit’s WhatsApp text.
“Nothing, stupid tax stuff,” I said. “In bed with the income tax department. Wish I was in bed with you instead.”
“Uhuh,” he replied. “Why don’t you come over, and I’ll make sure you’re well rested!” A bunch of winky-face emojis followed this message.
Ooh. This was interesting. A whole lot more interesting than the TRACES portal I was trying to load. Hah! Maybe this was the perfect solution to not being bored to death by my taxes - sexting the boy simultaneously!
And that’s how I entertained myself (and the boy) for the next 30 minutes. Super-naughty texts that were as arousing as the form-filling was boring. Yay for sexting! Who knew this would be so much fun? Ankit and I should have tried this ages ago! Who cared that I was in my jammies and dealing with painful money matters in real life when in our virtual world I was dressed in the sexiest lingerie and engaging in some seriously hot foreplay with my boyfriend?
I was just about to text something really raunchy to Ankit when my phone rang. It was my accountant. Apparently, his Internet had died, and he needed to tell me the rest of the things to do over the phone. I typed a quick “Sorry, babe, back soon” to Ankit and got on with the last bits of my filing.
At 11.45 p.m., I was finally done with it all. What better way to celebrate than to take our sext-flirting up by several notches?
“I’m going to rip your shirt off, straddle you while you sit on a chair and nibble your neck as I tell you how much I want you,” I typed into my phone and hit send.
I went and grabbed some water to drink and a pack of chips to munch on. All this sexting was making me hungry. When I came back, I was surprised to find no new message alert. Which was really weird, given that his responses so far had been lightning-quick - way faster than mine given that he was not multitasking. Had he fallen asleep or something? I picked up my phone to check - and nearly had a heart attack.
I’d been SO caught up with the bloody tax stuff that I’d sent that message NOT to Ankit but to my accountant!!!!!
I had just accidentally sexted my 55-year-old accountant, father of two kids my age and grandfather to a two-year-old. OMG. OMG. OMG.
I called Ankit and told him what I’d done. He laughed hysterically and was absolutely no help at all. I hung up on him and dialled my accountant instead.
He answered after several rings, just as I was about to give up and disconnect.
“Um, Mr Chopra. I’m... I’m so sorry!” I managed to stammer out. “That message… Uh, that was meant for someone else…”
“It is okay,” he said in response, his voice completely neutral.
“I’m SO sorry!” I repeated. I wanted to die of embarrassment right now.
“No problem,” he said.
“Okay, good night,” I said, feeling completely lame.
“Yes, good night,” he said. “I understand why your phone bill is always very high.”
I disconnected and burst into laughter. I laughed till there were tears rolling down my face. Who would have thought that the man I trusted absolutely when it came to my dry-as-dust finances had a sense of humour too?!