Every relationship goes through different phases - the honeymoon phase, and then comes the “got used to you” phase. While everything is lovely during the honeymoon phase, it is the phase after that when a couple has to put in more effort. In this phase, you just get into a kind of comfort zone and chances are that you might get a bit bored with each other. It is this that can most often lead to a breakup... And no matter what anyone says, this stage is inevitable in anyone's love story.
Recently, my boyfriend and I were in this phase. We used to have fights almost every day and most of the time he blamed me for all the drama. So, I wrote him a letter, which I am sharing here.
I don't want to beat around the bush, so let me get to the point. I know that we have been having a rather tough time in our relationship lately, and I believe we both are at fault here. But, the question is not "Whose fault is it?" So, I've given some thought to how I have been behaving for the past one month and I've realized a few things… thus I am writing this letter to you.
I've been a drama queen.
There were times when I was insecure about your feelings for me. I'm sorry; it took me a while to understand that you do like me, that’s why you are with me. I promise to reduce the drama considerably.
I've been the "You must marry me" kind of girl.
The reason I'd been talking about marriage was because we slept together. However, I've actually thought about it and have realized that it cannot be the decisive factor. We've only dated for 6 months and we have got a long way to go to understand each other before we start thinking about marriage. First, we both need to be in the same emotional space before taking such a huge step, and so I have decided to give us time to understand if things are going to work out in the long run. From now, I'm going to be more about “live the moment” kind of a girl. I'll let things take their natural course.
And here are the things I want you to notice...
I know that in any healthy relationship, it's essential that both the partners get some space. But that doesn't mean they completely space out from each other’s life. I am not saying you be with me all the time, but take out time to meet me and talk to me at least for a while every day. When once in a while you're not in a good mood or you're stuck at work and you don't call, I understand you won't be able to talk and I don't mind. But don’t make it a habit.
I need the respect that I deserve. Please remember, like your parents and friends, I'm also an integral part of your life and I deserve the same respect. Just because I love you and I don't complain much doesn't mean I don't have any self-respect. Making fun of me or pulling my leg is fine, but yelling at me in front of others is not okay. Such behavior is only going to make both of us look bad.
I need you to be honest; when you make some mistake, I’m ready to forgive it, but I am not going to tolerate dishonesty. I have always been honest with you and I expect the same from you.
I love you and I want to be with you. :-)
I had expected that this letter would help our relationship grow stronger, but to my surprise my boyfriend made it another reason to complain about how I irritate him. I am understanding and caring...thus I irritate him; I was trying to make our relationship work when it was at the verge of breaking apart...that’s why I am irritating. The letter where I poured my heart out created further drama in our lives.
So, one fine morning, I realised I’d had enough. I went to his house, knocked on his door and told him that I wanted to break up. And guess what? He didn’t even try to stop me from ending our relationship. He actually looked relieved.
It was that expression on his face that convinced me that I took the right decision by breaking up with him - because he was too cowardly to admit that he didn’t actually want to be with me and break up with me.