The initial days of college were pretty miserable for me. I was missing home and my friends. But things started getting a bit interesting when I saw this guy at college, and it was love at first sight.
He was an amazing singer and I tried to start a friendly conversation by complimenting him on his vocal skills; Believe me, it took every ounce of the courage I had to do this.
Since we were in different departments, we would hardly meet during the day, but we both eagerly waited for the end of class hours when we would sit and talk. Eventually, I told him that I was in love with him and he confessed his love for me as well. I was beyond ecstatic.
Our love only blossomed in the coming years...until after we graduated and started working. Our life situations changed, and so did we. His constant comments on my clothes or about me hanging out with my guy friends didn't go down well with me.
Also, I started getting more focused on my career and I felt he wasn't passionate enough about his life. I always encouraged him to hone his skills and do better at his work, but he wanted things to be as they were. I could not see the zeal to be successful in life in him, which was a turn-off.
All these led to many fights, and I started getting irritated by him. I don’t even know when it exactly started to happen.
The chemistry was no longer there, and I realised that slowly I was falling out of love with him. It was not something I did consciously, it just happened gradually. I had no idea how to tell him this. I felt like a complete jerk. I knew I would come out as the bitch for taking the decision to break up with him, but I knew for sure that I couldn’t go ahead with this relationship.
As I had expected, things ended on a rather bad note, and we said things to each other and I know we both aren’t proud of that.
It's been three years now and I still don't regret ending that relationship. However, that breakup did change me. I have become a bit wary of commitment and don’t find it easy to get into a relationship.
The good thing that came out of it is that today I am wise enough to understand that despite what the movies show, love is not the only thing that holds your relationship together. I know we weren't meant for each other. It’s still difficult to accept, though.
It's been a long time since we have even seen each other. I guess it gets easier with each passing day. It’s been a while since I felt the need to call him up, or stayed awake all night in dismay...
And yet… Letting go was the hardest thing to do. And I’m not sure I’m done yet.