Oscar Wilde once said, "The heart was meant to be broken". When I got my heart broken for the first time, it didn't happen slowly - I saw no red flags, no one gave me a heads-up. It happened suddenly and drained the life out of me, but amidst all the chaos I did learn a few things. Just like others do. Here’s what her first heartbreak teaches every girl...
1. You learn that you’re capable of feeling emotions so real and so deep.
It made me feel more human than I had ever felt before. I was a whirlpool of emotions bottled up in a body, just looking for an outlet.
2. You learn that the world comes crashing down on you - until you decide to stop letting it.
It is important to not dismiss what you are feeling, but you can't let it rule your everyday life. You have to be able to pick yourself up and say "Hello!" to a new dawn.
3. You learn to believe that "It's his loss".
No, I didn’t say this to convince myself of how worthy I was, but because I genuinely think that I am better off without him. In hindsight, it makes me wonder why I ever let him hurt me in the first place.
4. You learn to be somewhat thankful...
How would I ever have had the chance to spend a fraction of my life with other beautiful people if I were just stuck with him? I learnt that a heartbreak can lead you to other amazing, creative and wonderful people.
5. You learn that it is important to talk to an adult (or someone at least a few years older) about how you are feeling.
They won't ridicule you or give you the "told you so" speech. They will help you, step by step. Never be afraid to open up to someone older than you. It could be your folks, your elder sibling, your teacher, your aunt - because they genuinely are looking out for you.
6. You find clarity about love.
From the wreckage emerged something wonderful. I learnt that love is beautiful. That love is not to be blamed. Love never leaves, only a person does. Love is everywhere and in everything.
7. You learn that you can't stay "just friends"...
After someone breaks your heart, the relationship dynamics shift. While it might be easy to go from a friendship to a relationship, it can be quite hard doing the reverse.
8. You look around and see that some people are genuinely happy about you and your significant other having broken up
Because some people genuinely thought he was wrong for you. .
9. You figure out why it’s called a “heartbreak”
Well, because, it literally feels like one. It feels like...in the middle of the night, someone came to disturb you in your sleep, shoved a hand down your throat, wrung your heart out and broke it into pieces. I learn that a heart aches more than physical pain.
10. You have to cry...
This is what I learnt. The more I tried to suppress what I was feeling, the more miserable I became. So I let it all out, I cried my heart out. The day I cried a river, I slept peacefully. It is important to unburden yourself.
11. That healing takes time.
It doesn’t happen overnight. You want things to go back to the way it was, but they won't. You want someone to hug you and take you away from your anguish and suffering, but it won't happen. You have to give yourself time to heal. You are only human.
12. You might feel disoriented, with a million thoughts buzzing in your head.
I constantly doubted myself... I asked people if I was ugly, if I was just a boring person in general. When people assured me that it had nothing to do with me, I realized that no matter how perfect a relationship might look like on the surface, some people are completely wrong for each other.
13. You learn that it was time to let go.
Let go of the memories, him and everything I ever shared with him. It was a time for self-growth and realizing my full potential.
14. Lastly, you learn that one has to keep believing.
Believe that there are better things waiting for you, that the first heartbreak won't be the last one, that there are so many things that will confuse you to no end. But one should never stop believing in the good things that are yet to come.