The moment you cross over to the “wrong side of the 20s” (read 25 and above), all that matters is your love life and marriage. At least that’s what people would have you believe! And, god forbid, if you are still single in late 20s, you become a charity case – everyone wants to find out why aren’t you married or dating. Here are seven really random comments that every girl in this situation has to deal with without losing patience.
1. How come you don’t have a boyfriend?
This is a rhetorical question, right? You get to hear this whenever the conversation revolves around your life - as if there is nothing more to life than finding a boy! But seriously, how are you supposed to reply to this question? “Umm…sorry, I didn’t get the ‘how to find a boyfriend’ manual?” By the way, the question is always accompanied by a sympathetic look. And when you respond with a fake smile, they start analysing your personality and what “you might be doing wrong”... Which brings us to the second point.
2. Maybe you are too curt/ shy/ demanding
The moment you avoid giving a “substantial” answer to the previous question, speculations start. Your personality will be put under a microscope – you are too straightforward and curt while boys prefer coy girls; you are too introverted and not meeting new people. So, basically you have to change yourself to find “the one” is what everyone tries to tell you. Don’t let them convince you to change yourself; be confident and do what you feel is right for you.
3. The C-word
Ah, yes! “Compromise” - the word that is often used in a rather subtle manner, with the following message: just because you are not ready to get married, it means you don’t want to compromise in life. This assumption is ridiculous. FYI, the last time I checked, the word wasn’t exclusive to married people. Who says single people don’t have to make compromises? There are various stages in life when one has to make adjustments. So don’t you go there!
4. You are going to end up alone in life
This particular line has been used to instil fear in single people for many years. It is amazing how people think that it is going to work on an independent single woman, who is living on her own – you got the irony, right? If there is anyone fully trained to lead a fulfilling life as an unattached person, it is us – you see, we are already trained for such a life. So that is hardly going to get us panicked.
5. I wonder what you are looking for in a man…
A rather clever way of saying that you are being too choosy! People are again trying to imply that you need to “compromise” somewhere. And before you can say a word in your defence, they start giving examples of how your sister/ cousin/ friends, etc., got married to a guy her family chose, how there is no such things as Mr Perfect, how the chances of finding a guy slims down as you grow older and so on. All you need to do is try to keep calm and let the monologue end.
6. You should think about your parents!
A strategy to guilt trip you, they always play the “parents card”— they are old now and all they want is to see you settled, you are their responsibility so let them fulfil their duty. Do not fall for this – agreed it is their responsibility, but it is your life. Isn’t it funny how these people assume they are more concerned about your parents than you are?
7. It is going to be too late for you to have a child…
Yes, that is a valid point; your biological clock is ticking, but being a mother is NOT the only purpose in life for women. There are many women in this world who are happily married and choose to not have a child. And then there are women such as Sushmita Sen who adopt children without getting married. So, basically it all boils down to: “It’s your life, your choice!”
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Published on Jan 15, 2016