You’re excited, you’re nervous, you feel like crying and laughing - all at the same time! And while the hair stylist tugs ruthlessly at your hair and the photographer hovers around to take funny ‘getting ready’ shots, your head is a mix of crazy thoughts, all about the much awaited wedding night. The night you’ll both Do The Rex ;)
1. Does the milk thing really happen?
Like no one told me about it! Do I have to be all Bollywood and take in a glass of milk with kesar. And who is going to give it to me? Mummy Ji, chachi Ji or would I have to go boil some on my own?
2. And do I take a ghunghat and sit all maharani style?
Well, that’s what I’ve seen in the movies. But it looks so cheesy! What’s the correct protocol here?
3. Wait a minute. Who’s gonna undo my juda?
Why am I thinking about this now when the stylist has already fixed 87 pins in my hair! Who is gonna take them out for me? My husband will hate me if that’s what I make him do at night. Oh fish, I'll look like Tarzan once they are off.
4. Do I really have to do ‘it’ tonight?
Because i'm gonna be really, really exhausted by the time the pheras get over. And uske baad it’ll be like asking for too much from me. Maybe I should let him know beforehand to avoid disappointment later!
5. BTW, will it hurt?
It’ll be my first time. Thank god the govt has reversed the porn ban. I should just try sneaking in to the loo and watch some ‘informational’ videos.
6. I’ll be sleeping with a stranger
OK, not a stranger but I’ve only known him a couple of months. And we’ve only ever gone first base, and today we have to gun for the home run?
7. The lamba chauda parivaar is here for another 2 days
So basically, how do we do it without people hearing us? Koi na koi will definitely be sleeping in the room next to ours. Note to self: do not get excited and make loud, lusty noises.
8. Please do not let the roses have thorns!
It’ll be a night of terror if by any chance the flowers on our bed have a thorn or two. Ouch!
9. Now even my parents will know I’ve slept with someone
I never even told them about the two boyfriends I’ve had! And now, after all these years of being a good girl, they’ll know all the details of my sex life.
10. What If I stain the sheets?
I’ll have to be up an hour early to wash and dry it. I’m not letting the entire khaandaan see the messed up bedsheet. Goodbye sleep.
11. I’m not ready for the ‘how was it’ from everyone
Every female relative in the house is going to ask me this next morning. Goodbye privacy.