I met Ankit during my FYBA days. We were in the same college together, and over time, we grew fond of each other. We started dating after 8 months of our friendship. We were the best of friends. I loved him more than anything in this world, but my other friends’ equation with him was quite the opposite.
He came from a very wealthy background and had certain air about himself. But of all the people who knew me, he was the only one who could see straight into my soul. He could understand and communicate with me like no other. But the strange thing was, that unlike what people would imagine, in spite of being a part of a very posh family, he never really was happy.
His dad passed away when he was just a little boy, and his mom had then married a close friend of hers. All of these circumstances had taken a toll on his emotional life. Even though he had so much, he felt hollow within. He’d felt alone most of the time, ever since a new man had entered his mom’s life. There were only a handful of people who knew about this. I happened to be one of them.
He was my boyfriend. I loved him terribly, and seeing him messed up killed me slowly every day. I cared about him and wanted him to be happy. One day, after our lectures got done, he took me to his place to hang out. While watching a movie, he wrapped his arms around my body, pulled me close to him and hugged me tight. He said nothing, but deep down, I knew something was worrying him.
I turned around, held his hand, and looked him straight in the eye. I wanted to know why he was feeling so low. While I kept talking, he didn’t speak a word. After a couple of minutes, he shooted a question at me that left me stunned. He asked me to run away with him...
I was petrified! I was trying to speak, but the words failed to come out. He told me that he wanted a new life. A space where he wanted to cut off from all connections of the past. He wanted to be with me and only me. While my heart wanted to say “yes”, my mind stood firm.
I went home and actually started to give it some serious thought. I loved my family and friends to bits, and giving them up without a drastic reason would be a foolish move from my end. I didn’t respond to Ankit’s calls and texts for the next few days. I stayed at home and bunked college too. I mean, I did love him, but I didn’t want to throw my world away for him. There were other important people in my life too, and giving them up for him was not fair to anyone.
One fine day, his mother called me up. She told me that Ankit’s had not been himself lately. I gathered up the courage and told her everything about him and him wanting to run away. On hearing what I had to say, without a word, she hung up on me.
I haven’t heard or spoken to either Ankit or his mom ever since that day. It worried me, but I had to get my life together. The last I saw was a picture he posted of him and his family on Facebook. I was thrilled to see them back together. It was a happy family photograph. He stopped coming to class and joined a new college. I was hurting deep down, but I was determined to not let it show on my face.
I think that’s what love is all about. Sacrificing your happiness to make someone else happy. He’s been through so much emotionally, I want his future to be different. A happier one, to be precise. I still do have feelings for him, though, and probably always will. But I want him to smile more often, and I’m willing to stand aside and let life do the needful.
* Names changed to protect privacy.
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Published on Dec 21, 2015