I am writing this open letter to you today to thank you. We’re not together anymore, you and I, but I wouldn’t change a thing about the time we were together.
I remember being all of 19 and scared out of my mind. I didn’t know what to expect and of course, I realise in retrospect, neither did you! Yet, you were kind and gentle and so patient. You didn’t for a second make me feel pressurised or as if I was being foolish for making you stop every 5 seconds. I was nervous and scared and barely even aware of how you might have been feeling. But you didn’t lose sight of how I was feeling even for one second.
“Are you okay?” you asked, looking at me as if I was something breakable. “Does it hurt? I read somewhere that it hurts girls the first time. Are you alright?” Even through the slight discomfort I was feeling, I couldn’t help but smile. I remember thinking “Why did my friends tell me that guys don’t care and don’t have feelings? This one clearly does.” You broke many a stereotype for me that day and I cannot thank you enough.
You weren’t that much older than me, and yet you were the perfect gentleman. You didn’t walk away or make me feel like we were done with some sort of task at hand and it was now time to go home once we finished. You made me feel loved and like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. You held my hand and told me I was perfect and asked if I felt alright. I remember you being concerned about nothing else but how I was feeling. It fills my heart with warmth even today.
I am not a cynic. I am a hopeful person today and I want to give you a little bit of credit for that. Even when we decided to end things, you went away with love and respect. Never for one minute letting me doubt that what we had was very real. So even today when people say, “Don’t trust guys,” I can’t agree with them, because I’ve known you.
I don’t regret a single thing about my first time with you. In fact, no matter who I meet or where I go, I wouldn’t wish for my first time to have been with anyone else but you.
Thank you for everything.
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To the first guy I slept with,
Published on Nov 10, 2015