I have read Cosmo for years. I probably started reading it way before I was meant to. I loved it for its scandalous stories, celebrity gossip and, above all, regarded it as the ultimate sex manual. So, it's no surprise that when I found myself in a serious relationship, I got to thinking about some of the things I had read over the years!
One night my guy and I were getting hot and heavy in bed and I wanted to give him a "gift" he would never forget. The doors closed, the lights went off and our clothes came off... We were off to a great start!
"Relax..." I said, pushing him onto the bed, clearly channelling some sort of dominating vixen vibe. I began kissing his neck and nibbling away at his ears - top tips I had received from my go-to book of bedroom advice. Moans and sighs of pleasure rewarded my efforts.
"This is going brilliantly, " I thought to myself as I continued my journey down south. I don't know what came over me, but I decided that this was the night to step things up a notch.
I valiantly unzipped him to reveal his pride and joy and began to perform the act all boys dream of. He had praised me in the past for my fellating abilities, so I was feeling confident.
I remembered a tip that had been featured in an issue I had read not long back. What better time to try it out than now?!
"Ouch, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? That hurts!!" screamed my boyfriend.
Mortified, I looked up. "What happened? Doesn't it feel good??"
"NO! I nearly cried!!!!"
My beautiful bible had told me to gently slide my teeth up and down his shaft to bring extra stimulation. I'd done exactly that.
"I was using my teeth!" I admitted, a bit taken aback by the fact that he had jumped out of bed and grabbed the covers to preserve - or, perhaps, protect - his modesty.
"Why would you do that???" he demanded to know, clearly not seeing the funny side to the situation just yet.
"Cosmo said it would be a good idea," I replied, feeling rather silly and uncertain.
“Well, Cosmo was WRONG!” he snapped.
Needless to say, the family jewels were locked up for the rest of the night. Oh well, you win some, you lose some…!
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Published on Nov 23, 2015