Letting your partner know that you’re upset about something he has done is, more often than not, difficult to achieve without it turning into a fight. No one likes the accusations or high volumes that come with these fights! Here are a few ways to tell him you’re upset without letting the situation lead to a fight.
1. Don’t start the conversation when you’re at the peak of your anger
Often when we’re angry or upset, we can’t help but let everything out and tell our partners off. However, what we don’t realise is that trying to have that conversation when we’re angry will only lead to us saying things that we may not even completely mean. This, in turn, is bound to trigger off a fight and upset your partner too. Wait to cool down yourself before you initiate a conversation with your partner about what has upset you. This way you can tell him how you feel in a thought out and more gentle manner. Also Read: How to Control Anger
2. Don’t stretch it more than you need to
Whether it's telling him you need to talk to him and then saying “forget it, you won’t understand anyway” or just going on and on after you know he has understood what you’re saying. The more you stretch the issue, the more likely he is to get frustrated too and end up fighting.
3. Don’t make him feel as if he’s being attacked
If you begin yelling and shouting accusations, there is no way he will not get defensive. Two people who are angry and super defensive can never avoid getting into a fight! Instead, try talking to him in a calm manner first. Tell him you want to have a conversation rather than an argument and explain to him what has upset you and why.
It is not always possible to use humor or be funny when you’re upset. But if you’re looking to definitely avoid having a fight, try approaching the topic in a light and casual manner. Sometimes, putting things across in a silly or casual manner rather than with your serious face on can make all the difference. You can still talk about the same thing and come to the same conclusion, but in a more calm and cool way.
5. Speak your mind, but with an intention to make things better
Don’t have a closed mind and refuse to listen to him when you’re done speaking. If you have your side, he has his too. Let him give his explanation so that the two of you together can actually try and improve the situation and get done with whatever has upset you.
6. Try the magic of touching…
A slight touch or holding his hand while talking to him can actually have a calming effect on him. He will feel less like you’re in attack mode and are about to have a conversation he will absolutely dread!
7. Be considerate about his situation before bringing it up
Don’t bring it up or tell him how upset he has made you when he’s already stressed or worked up about something. If he’s not in a good mood already and neither are you, bringing anything upsetting up will lead to a fight!