Ending a relationship is never easy, but what’s even more difficult is the actual act of breaking up - that conversation or meeting. Breakups are bad as it is, but we can all save the drama at least to take some pain out of it all. Here are 9 things to keep in mind to end a relationship without all the drama.
1. Think back to all the reasons why you’re actually breaking up
Usually it’s more than one thing or incident that drives us to the difficult decision of breaking up. Be sure to discuss each and every reason in detail with the other person, instead of using clichés. The other person not only deserves to know them, but has also lived through them with you - and will handle the break up better if he/she knows what actually went wrong.
2. Don’t do it over the phone or texts
Do not even think about taking the easy route here by breaking up on texts, where you can conveniently avoid the pain and misery of the conversation. Respect the fact that you guys were in love and have the courage to face the pain. Plus, when you break up virtually, it often does not seem like real closure and either of you might end up lingering and holding on to hope of things working out eventually.
3. Be clear that you guys are breaking up and not taking a break
Oftentimes, the discussion becomes so painful that we are at the risk of deferring it till later, saying “let’s take a break” instead of actually following through on what we intended when we began the conversation - leading us to wander through a situation that really has no other possible ending. Accept that if it’s over it’s over - the sooner you’re both able to accept this, the better it is in the longer run.
4. Do not make any contact immediately after breaking up
After a breakup, everyone goes through periods of loneliness, and misses the other person who was so close to you. But don’t make contact with the other person in your bouts of loneliness, ‘coz it may generate a false sense of the relationship still continuing, or make the other person think you’re trying to get back together.
5. Do not be unnecessarily harsh or mean
Emotions are high and tempers flare when a breakup happens because there is so much hurt on both sides. But in your attempt to prove yourself right, don’t start blaming the other person and take cheap shots at each other. This needs to be a conversation where you two accept the pain and hurt of it all - not a fight where you feel disgusted with each other.
6. Choose a time and a place to do it
Do not break up with someone when they’re already having a stressed week at work, or when you two are out in public. You need to be sensitive to the feelings of the other person involved, and try to reduce the effect of your decision as much as possible. So choose a time and place that’s appropriate and gives you two the least interference and most calm.
7. Make sure that your partner is the first to know about your decision
Even if you’ve been considering your decision to break up for a long time, do not go and blabber about it to your friends. Discussing your issues and making statements are two completely different things, and nothing hurts more than hearing from common friends that your partner is breaking up. It comes across as a betrayal, and nothing you say after it will make for a smooth breakup.
8. Prepare yourself for the pain of it all
Because there will be quite a lot of it. It’s not easy for anyone to hear their partner tell them that they don’t feel connected with them any longer. But what will help is not holding back your own emotions either and letting the other person how you’re feeling about it too.
9. Keep it as private as possible
Yes, please don’t rush to update statuses on social media, or actively get involved with somebody else or even narrate your story for any or all of your friends who care to hear. Some details need to stay just between the two of you - and, trust us, your friends will only understand your choice to do so.
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Published on Oct 19, 2015