Us guys, for the most part, are simple creatures. And it's true that we're not as effective and diligent texters as most women are. But there are some texts that we receive that can leave us even more finger-tied than usual - and a bit stumped as to how we should reply…
1. “I'm fine.”
When we know you're upset about something and ask you about it, and this is what you say… Ladies, quite frankly, it's upsetting to be shut down like that. We wouldn't have asked had we not cared - so even if you don't want to talk about it right now, just say “Don't want to talk about it”, please? We will know to give you the space you need - and it won't make us feel like you're deliberately shutting us out.
We know you're really mad at us when you drop the “whatever” bomb on us, but could you, pretty please, say something that sounds a little less dismissive? Even “I am SO mad at you” is better than “whatever”. At least it tells us loud and clear that you're very angry with us and makes us feel bad about that - without making us feel somewhat offended too.
3. “Do what you like.”
This one is particularly bad. Because we know when you say it what you probably mean is exactly the opposite. On the other hand, it also sometimes makes us think that whatever we proposed really is fine with you - and blindsides us completely when you later tell us that it wasn't fine. Would be so much easier for us if you were to say “I don't want to stop you from doing that, but know that I'm going to be really mad about it.”
4. “Hanging out with X”
By "hanging out”, do you mean “making out" with him? Are you trying to tell us something? Or just make us a little jealous? If we’re not making a move and you want us to, there are better ways to go about it. Pass the word through some friends (Chinese Whispers style) or, even better, make the first move yourself!
5. “Off to a party tonight with friends…”
This is SO open-ended that it does drive us a bit nuts. When you start a conversation with a hanging message like this, we don’t know what to say. It has us going: “Okay, are you just telling me so you seem cool? Or are you inviting me to come? If it’s the former and we’re like ‘Oh, awesome, I’ll join you,’ I’ll just look like a complete twat. Better just respond with something ambiguous…” If it is an invitation, please just attach a “Come with?” to the message?
6. “Why aren't you replying to my message?”
Ladies, here's the thing. The guy who's received a text and hasn’t replied has probably done so because he's caught up with someone else. A follow-up message on top of that - it's going to make him feel badgered. We know you might have to wait a bit, and that waiting isn't fun, but be a little (more) patient, please?
7. “Thanks for not calling me back.”
This one is the worst! Because not only is it reminding us that we should have done something that we haven't (we've probably just forgotten - no evil intentions!), but also shoving a boat-load of passive aggression on our way. Come on, ladies, you don't like it when we do that to you, right?