We girls love to blame our other halves for a lot of things that don't seem to be going right – come on, you know it’s true. As much as we try to be good and supportive partners, sometimes we unintentionally do things that might actually be making our men feel insecure. It’s best to think things through and realize this before it causes your relationship permanent damage!
1. Putting him down!
First and foremost: guys have feelings too! So often we tend to forget that being sensitive is not just a woman’s prerogative. Sure, your man is macho...but that doesn’t stop him from taking your words to heart. If you keep putting him down, each time it plays on his psyche and he feels you don’t think very highly of him.
How to stop this: Don’t keep berating him, especially not in front of others. It’s important to focus on his positives and not just highlight his flaws. This will help him be both a better person and a better partner.
2. Not asking him for his opinion
Look, girl, we get it – you are an empowered woman and can make your own decisions. But part of being a twosome is sharing your life with the other person - hopes, dreams, decisions et al. The minute you don’t discuss something with your partner, you are leaving him out of your life. Things like taking up a new course, or quitting your job – these are important things you should get his opinion on. No one is saying you should blindly follow it, though.
How to stop this: Involve him more in your life. Tell him stories from your workday and ask him stuff about his. Slowly but surely, it will come naturally to the two of you to not leave each other out of big and important decisions.
3. Constantly talking about other boys
No one expects you to not have other guy friends or to stop talking to other people just because you are in a relationship. But, having said that, you also know that when you are dating someone they should but naturally be top priority - at least in the opposite-sex department. If you keep talking and obsessing over all the other boys in your college/work place, he will naturally feel that there are other guys in the running.
How to stop this: Talk about other guys, sure, but also tell him how you bring him up in conversation with other people! This will instantly make him feel so much better about where he stands in your life.
4. Never mentioning the future
Yes, some girls have it better figured out than others – and that’s okay! If you don’t know where you will be five years down the line, no one is going to judge you for that. But leaving him out of all your future plans will make him feel you don’t want him around. It’s only natural, especially if he always talks about spending his life with you. Think about it from his perspective.
How to stop this: Be honest with him – explain how you are uncertain about the future. Tell him it has nothing to do with him, but rather the pressures of life and career often get to you and you deal with it all by living in the present. Isn’t that the truth anyway?
5. Comparing him to your best friend
Sigh! Girl, if your boyfriend would understand you and comfort you like your bestie – he wouldn’t be a guy. No, seriously – many girls fall into this comparison trap, and we guilt-trip our boys into feeling that they don’t love us enough! Please understand: he does love you. He just has very different ways of showing it. As for your best friend, she’s your BFF for a reason – she’s supposed to comfort you like no one else on earth!
How to stop this: That’s simple: just don’t use the words: “Oh! I wish she were here instead” or “She would know exactly what to say”. You’re breaking his heart and making him insecure all at once. So you have to just stop bringing her up when he’s the one trying to cheer you up after a bad day!
6. Cracking jokes about him!
Okay, a lot of girls have this habit – especially the ones endowed with a funny bone! They tend to make fun of their boyfriends in front of others and it’s supposedly done in good humour. Look we are inclined to believe that you had no bad intention when you let that funny bone loose on a crowd – but having said that, we are not so sure your guy sees it the same way. If it’s too frequent, we bet he hates it. You make him feel bad about himself, and basically have a crowd cheering you on while you do that!
How to stop this: You need to just be more sensitive. Cut it out with the incessant jokes about him! He’s your boyfriend and you should be proud of him. You shouldn’t be putting him down in front of a crowd. Besides, if you really are Miss Stand Up Comic – then we are sure there’s plenty of other material around you that you could make fun of! What say?
7. Bitching about your friend’s boyfriend
When your boyfriend hears you or your girl gang discuss another boy and shred him down to pieces, he basically thinks you do that too when he’s not around. He hears you and your friends talking about other boys – from what they wear to how they talk, to how much money they make...and he basically feels that’s just what girls do.
How to stop this:
The simple solution would be to not do this in front of your boyfriend. But the better solution is to calm him down and explain that you would never talk like that about him. You talk like that only about guys you have some issue with, so your guy need not worry!
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Published on Sep 08, 2015