Some people are having sex, some are dying to have sex and, YES, some just aren't ready to have sex. If you fall in the last category, you're pretty used to getting odd looks about your decision not to do it, even from your friends. Well, it's actually nobody's business but yours, not even that of the guy you're seeing! Your boyfriend might be ready for that step with you, but if you still have your doubts, here's how you can tell him that you want to wait.
1. Accept your decision
Don't do the "Hmm, maybe, I don't know..." business. There's no need to beat around the bush about this. If your decision is crystal clear in your head, it'll be way easier to tell him about it. And for him to take it seriously.
2. And if you’re actually undecided…
Take your time to think about it, and do tell him that. Sex is about TWO people in bed together - if one of them isn’t ready yet, the other person just has to wait for them to catch up!
3. Discuss with your friends all you like, but don’t take their advice as the final word
We're all for girl talk, but sometimes, unknowingly, your friends can shift from just giving advice to swaying you the other (their) way. Sure, they might think sex is amazing, but that doesn't mean you need to be having it before you're ready. After all, it’s about YOU having sex right now, not them!
4. First time or not...
You may be a virgin or you may not. If you've never had sex before, let him know. And if you have had sex before, doesn't mean you have to be ready to do it again. EVERY time you have sex, you should be sure you're ready for it and there's nothing wrong with that. And it’s okay to tell him this.
5. It's about YOU, not about him or the relationship
Make sure he knows that this decision is completely about where you are, in life, as a person. It isn't about him, or which stage your relationship is in. While you’re talking to him, tell him this - that it is not a commentary on your relationship. Explain to him where you’re coming from - it will help him understand the situation better.
6. Share your thoughts
If you've already developed an emotional connection with him, share your reasons with him. It could be anything from wanting to wait for marriage, not feeling comfortable in the space you are mentally, or just about anything else. This might really help him understand you better and respect your decision.
7. Let him know you’re not “untouchable”!
Sex is just that - sex. Just because you're aren't ready for that bit doesn't mean you're going to shy away from the other stuff. You could just enjoy steamy make-out sessions with him, without it leading in that direction just yet. Just let him know how much you're comfortable with and where you want to draw the line.
8. Saying “no”...
Sometimes, having the conversation might not actually be enough. There might be situations in which a guy says “Okay, I understand”, and then still try to take things a bit further, to just “test” the waters. In this case, it's completely okay to say no and to ask him to stop. This doesn't mean that you're rejecting him or aren't comfortable with him, but it’s about him respecting your comfort zone and your decision.
9. No confusion!
Yes, you CAN be certain that you like him - or even love him - without wanting to have sex with him yet. Let him know this, gently, because he might think your decision has something to do with you not being sure if you want to be with him.
10. Be prepared
We're not saying they're all the same, but some guys might back off once you have this talk with them. If they're not okay with waiting, and sex comes before you in their priorities, that’s just something you’ll have to accept. Let him go. There are also those guys who will be willing to wait forever. And, trust us, those are the kind of guys you want to actually do it with. :-)
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