Welcome to #AskPOPxo. This is a section dedicated to our readers’ questions - anything that’s on your mind and you’d like advice on! Whether it’s fashion tips, help with your beauty routine, a relationship dilemma, or even questions about sex. Just ask us, and someone from the POPxo Team will answer your question.
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Today’s question: “Is this relationship wrong for me?”
Please keep it anonymous. I am 22 years old. Till now I was never involved in any exclusive real relationship. I have been into relationships but I doubt if they can be called relationships even.
One of them was a guy I accepted just because he proposed me. I was too young to think and do things. Broke up within a months.
After a few years I accepted another guy who I thought loved me but he forced physical relationship with me. I did not feel an emotional connect with him and he thought physical intimacy was the only way to gain emotional connect. He forcibly kissed me on a date and since then I cut off all contacts with him. I never accepted anyone else because I did not want to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. I am very choosy. Apart from these, all the relationships I had were kind of online flings. I never met them and they never lasted for more than 3 months.
I had lost faith on love and all but still I was in a hope of finding someone some day. I even tried finding someone on shaadi.com. Yes I'm that stupid. Kept rejecting almost everyone. Then this guy came into my life and I fell madly for him. We never met but I am sure I was madly in love with him.
Then came the biggest heartbreak of my life. He left me abruptly. I didn't know what to do with my life. Fortunately I am strong enough to move on and I did. It took me around 6 months to completely forget that 3 months god knows what thing with him. But I have completely lost hope on love. I even rejected many good guys who I'm sure loved me more than I could love myself. I just didn't feel anything right.
I got busy with my new job and career. One day I read about popular dating sites on POPxo. I don't know what struck me. I just got curious to know if they really work. I installed Tinder on my phone and talked to a few guys. Didn't like anyone much.
Then one day suddenly I met this guy. We talked on WhatsApp for some time and on the 3rd day we met in real. He seemed to be a nice guy. I don't know how but I guess it’s the first time anyone's touch didn't feel bad to me. Yes I have a thing for touch. I can know anyone's intentions by their touch alone.
Somehow, on the 5th day of our meeting we had physical relationship. Yes, sex. I don't know how it happened. It was just so so natural. No force nothing. And for the first time it just felt right. I was still in doubt if it was just a casual one night stand for him. But it was not. He cares a lot for me. Our respective offices are nearby so we meet often. And not everytime we meet it’s for sex. We have spent nights together without sex at all.
We are not in any kind of relationship. It’s more than friendship of course but it would be insulting the relationship if I call it a friends with benefits kind of relationship. I just don't know what it is. But ever since I have met him, I don't remember a single moment when I have been internally sad like before. Life has turned beautiful.
I fear if I'm going the wrong way. But to be honest I don't care. I don't know where I am going but I don't feel like stopping. He cannot be a mistake. I would never regret losing my virginity to him. What is it about him that I am getting this most unexpected experience of my life? Please help me. I don't want to lose track of my life. Is what is happening to me really wrong? My gut instinct says no but I want to know. What is it about him that draws me so close to him?
I need an answer soon. Please help me with it.
Awaiting your answer. :)
And yeah, thanks for listening to me. I really wanted to talk to someone about it :)
Answer from the POPxo Team
Honestly speaking, I am very happy for you. Each of us is shaped by our experiences, and that is how we learn what we need and want from our relationships. If you’re happy with this guy, and comfortable with the situation - and you’re both honest with each other - then this relationship is what is right for you, at least for the moment. You don’t need to put a label on it if the two of you don’t feel the need to. Just keep talking to him, and enjoy the relationship for what it is. If at some point in the future you do want to put a name to it, whether it’s “boyfriend-girlfriend” or “friends with benefits” or whatever else, you should talk to him about that too. It’s about what works for you, and for him - and makes you both happy.
Good luck! And thanks for writing to us - it was nice to hear from you. :-)
If you have an issue you’d like help with, please don’t hesitate to ask us. Just drop an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. This is a completely anonymous section, and your details will be held in the strictest confidence.