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Today’s question: “I have a friend and I am in love with him, but he has a girlfriend…”
I have a friend and I am in love with him but he has a gf... And he had physical relation with her. I told him what I feel for him but he said he had a physical relation with her and now he can't ditch her even he said that girl cheated him once and said he just pulling his relationship at all...I dont know it is true or not... After that when I got to know about this physical relation of him I said OK I don't want to break someone relationship... And I don't want to come between u and ur gf... Then I stopped talking to him but he says that he don't wanna loose me and yes he also has a soft corner for me.. When we fight, he always say sorry to me and save our friendship... Sometimes he said he loves me... And he cares for me.. He wants me to be happy at any cost... What should I do now I love him but his relationship with another girl kills me.. Even he also don't want to hurt me... But neither he gives any commitment to me and nor he wants me to go from his life ... Plz help me…
Answer from the POPxo Team
Sorry to hear of your dilemma. However, it seems to me that your friend wants a relationship with both you and his current girlfriend. I understand that he has told you he loves you, but have you clarified with him whether he loves you purely as a friend or something more? Even if he says he loves you as more than a friend, given that he is in a relationship with someone else already (and is also physically involved with her), it seems like he is conflicted about his priorities. I would suggest you take a step back and think this through very carefully. If he does want you to be happy, then he should be very clear about what exactly his intentions are towards you.
Obviously the current situation is upsetting you very much. You need to prioritize your own happiness - beyond the relationship you have with him, whether it’s just friendship or something more. Take a break from this and think of your life and peace of mind in the long run - unfortunately for us, just having feelings for someone is not enough to form the basis of a healthy and sustainable relationship. You need to give yourself time and space to think about what you want not just right now but a few years from now. Where do you want to be professionally and personally speaking? Is the current situation holding you back from achieving those goals? If it is, you need stop focusing on the negatives of the present and make a plan to get where you want to be in the future, even if it means breaking off contact with this guy. That’s the way towards true happiness. :-)
Good luck, and hope this helps!
If you have an issue you’d like help with, please don’t hesitate to ask us. Just drop an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. This is a completely anonymous section, and your details will be held in the strictest confidence.
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Published on Sep 14, 2015