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Today’s question: “He is 20 years older than me… Does age gap really matter?”
I read your article "Is this relationship wrong for me?" It's first line "I don't know where I'm going, but I don't feel like stopping.."... That's exactly how I feel..
I am a simple girl. I run my own designer label. I'm 27 now... Flashback to my early 20s.
I was 22 and I was running a small coaching classes to earn me fees for my designing course. I came across a new student, K. He became my most favorite student. I became his most favourite teacher.
I became closer to him and his family members and especially his Chachu.. Let's name him "T". I and "T" went for movies and long drives. These were our unofficial and undecided and unknown dates. We eventually got quite closer.
I didn't know his age. I assumed him to be in his early 30s. He looked quite young and full of life. A gap of decade was never felt between us. We would talk and chat entire nights.
One fine night, post our random long drive from Marine Drive, he held my hand and uttered the 3 words. That's when we had a name to our relationship. Then came the friend requests on Facebook. Liking every posts, profile pictures, etc.. I was completely smitten by his attention on me.
One day while stalking his Facebook profile I came to know of his true age. He wasn't just 10 years older to me, he was 20 years. Though our chemistry was better than any couple my age.. Numerical age gap did shake me a bit..
However It's been 5 years we have been together through all the fights and break ups and rages of possessiveness and jealousy (I'm the more possessive one), months of no talking, blocking each other and all possible drama you can expect in any normal relationship.
But still today for me it's him or nobody.. However I don't know where I stand.. If there is a future or not? I ask him about it.. And he wants to wait for right time.. I love him more than anybody and he loves me too!
I have never felt butterflies in my 2 flings prior, which didn't last even 2-3 months. People would call me "gold digger" and him "uncle". But it doesn't make a difference to me! We're AB n Tabu just like of CHEENI KUM!
I don't know what's stopping him? Is it the society's view on our relationship? Or is it his n my family who would not accept us? Is that bothering him? I do ask him.
On random thoughts I sometimes wonder if he is just playing around with me or is secretly married to somebody!
What should I do?
Answer from the POPxo Team
I would say that the age gap between partners doesn’t really matter - as long as you’re both comfortable with the relationship, and where you are in life. However, it seems to me like you might want something more from your relationship than what you have right now. It seems like you’ve told him that already, and even though you’ve been together for 5 years, he’s not yet ready for a longer-term commitment. And since there is a 20-year gap, you’re probably at very different places in life, emotionally speaking. Perhaps you need to speak to him not just about your relationship but also what his vision of his own future is - and how you fit into the larger scheme of things.
For yourself, I would ask you to think about your own future in the long run, outside of the relationship. Where do you see yourself 5 years down the line, both personally and professionally speaking? Is that vision compatible with where your partner wants to be in 5 years? If you want marriage and/ or children, and he doesn’t (or even vice versa!), you need to discuss it with him.
Regarding your fears about him being secretly involved with someone else, and whether your families would accept your relationship or not - you can only address those concerns by having a frank conversation with him. :-)
Good luck, and hope this helps!
If you have an issue you’d like help with, please don’t hesitate to ask us. Just drop an email to email@example.com. This is a completely anonymous section, and your details will be held in the strictest confidence.
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Published on Sep 11, 2015