Men and women both cheat on their partners. And you know what? For women, at least, it is not really about finding someone other than our partners so irresistible that we can’t actually help but jump into bed with them. In fact, sometimes, cheating is not about sex at all. And not even about the person you’re cheating with. It’s about you – and what’s going on in YOUR emotional life. Read on to know about 5 common (and unexpected) reasons for why women cheat on their partners…
1. Because technology makes it so easy…
You have an Instagram account. Someone who follows you leaves you super-witty comments on your posts. You follow him back. You strike up a conversation. You discover commonalities and differences, and you think “I wish…” And the bitch of it is that “emotional cheating” doesn’t really seem like cheating. You feel like there’s something wrong – after all, you aren’t really jumping up with excitement to discuss this “new friend” of yours with your partner. But then again, you’re not actually bonking someone, you’re just talking to him. Regardless, be warned that your “virtual” affair can have as debilitating an effect on your relationship as a “real” one. In fact, since it feels “safe”, it might just be even more insidious and dangerous to your peace of mind and your long-term emotional health.
2. Because we want “revenge”
No, it might not have anything to do with your partner having cheated on you or not. It means you’re probably feeling hard-done-by in your relationship in some way or the other. He’s been unpleasant to your family, maybe he’s not supportive enough of your career… The consequence? You want to hurt him. In a way that will really, really bother him. But be warned that this is a path that you really don’t want to go down! After all, if you let his behaviour get to you so badly that you’re willing to do something that could potentially sabotage your whole relationship, you’re probably linking your self-worth to HE does, and not what you do. Think about your life, and maybe think about talking to a counselor.
3. Because we don’t have an adequate support system
The need for connection is the most basic of all human needs – it’s what compels us to make friends, to form relationships with others. And sometimes in life, it happens that we lose that connectedness with the people in our lives. It might be something as basic as our BFF turning around and telling us one day that we’ve been whining too much lately, or constant conflicts with family members, or our partners being away from us because of work or other circumstances… The point is, we feel like we’re losing touch with the people in our lives – and it forces us to look beyond what we have right now and forge new connections. That drive to (re-)connect can be SO strong that it may override our usual principles and closely held beliefs about commitment and fidelity.
4. Because life hasn’t really lived up to our expectations
All the Bollywood movies and Mills & Boons we have been brought up on – the one disservice that they really do to us is not actually tell us that loving someone is the easiest part of a relationship. It’s the getting along, the adapting to someone and building towards a common happiness that takes work. And that life itself is a lot of hard work, not quite the easy-peasy ride we expected it to be when we were growing up. The constraints and compromises of everyday living can really get to us. And it’s easy to pretend that the romance we’re engaging in – beyond the bounds of what society deems acceptable – is the escape we have from our current, existing reality. Except, you know, it’s not really an escape – it’s a cesspool we risk losing ourselves in.
5. Because sometimes we just want to do unto others as they have done unto us
It’s unfortunate, but true. Betrayal by a partner can be a traumatic thing, especially if you decide to patch things up with him and give your relationship another go. And all too often, you’re tempted to – despite trying your hardest to be rational – pay him back for it. It’s not so much about hurting him as it is about taking the power back. There’s been a rupture in your relationship – and this is your way of trying to assert yourself. Our suggestion: don’t do it. After all, we are our own harshest critics – don’t do something that forces you to judge yourself.
Images: Shutterstock
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