High heels are the most amazing but ridiculous thing to come in to fashion since, forever! Yeah, we know they’re pretty and all, but if you can’t walk in them (and let’s be honest, aside from supermodels and some people we know who MUST be superhuman, who can?) then you just look really silly wearing them, anyway! If you are an embracer of flat shoes, or recovering from a night out when you made the decision to endure the sadist stiletto, read on!!
1.You have an impressive collection of flats.
Hey, just ‘coz you don’t like wearing heels doesn’t mean you aren’t on top of your shoe game!
2. Watching people on a night out, wearing heels and tottering about, requires a bag of popcorn
Let’s be honest folks, I can’t wear them - and that’s fine by me. But why do you insist on embarrassing yourselves?! EMBRACE the flat shoe!
3. You always get your clothes tailored while standing barefoot
And the tailor is all like, “Par ma’am, teen-chaar inch toh add ho jayenge heels ke saath...” And you’re all like, “In your dreams, bro!”
4. You appreciate the fact that heels elongate your legs and make them look more toned
But more so appreciate the fact that you have feeling in the soles of your feet and don’t walk around looking like an ostrich who’s stepping on really hot coal and lava!
5. When it comes to a night out, you are the ultimate winner - dancer extraordinaire!
‘Coz, hello - flats, baby, flats! I can go ALL night! Without having to suddenly take my heels off and turn into a barefoot urchin stepping on God knows what!
6. The thought of wearing high heels alone is enough to send a shooting pain up your foot...
... and into your memory of the last time you put yourself through this spiky stiletto madness!
7. Of course, there is the odd night that you think “I too can do this!”
And then you dust off the one pair of heels you own.
8. Then come the brave moments when you put the shoes on…
And take a few practice steps around your bedroom, feeling #LikeABoss.
9. You leave your house thinking “Hey, this isn’t so bad!”
And genuinely believe you may have broken the high heel curse once and for all….
10. But then, you get out of the car and start walking on the road towards the party...
“Hey, this doesn’t feel like what it felt like when I was walking on the carpet at home…”
11. You get to your destination and everyone’s all like, “Hey, why are you so tall?”
And you’re all like, “Why are you so short!?” You’re already in pain, so the claws are out, DUH!
12. You sit around casually making small talk and gritting your teeth
All the time secretly wishing that you were dancing and having fun and had never, ever worn these stupid demon shoes.
13. And then you remember you are a genius and planned for all of this by packing a pair of ballet flats in your bag - just in case!
Because, seriously, high heels suck, suck, SUCK!
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Published on Aug 19, 2015