What does your first love remind you of? Let us guess: it’s a bittersweet memory, but one that you like to revisit once in a while? We thought so! Today we thought we’d play psychologist for the day and analyse why it’s all too common for our first love not to last.
Oh, and if you are one of those whose first love did last, trust us, that is rare. For the rest of you, do keep reading. :-)
1. The idea of love
Did you love him? Of course. But now that you look back, don’t you think you were more in love with the idea of love than with the guy himself? Don’t worry, that’s the story of all our lives!
2. Opposites attract?
He was the opposite of you. But wait, that’s how it’s supposed to be naa? Opposites attract! But now that you are older (and wiser) you realize that it’s not that the guy you love should be your complete opposite. He should also match you in some ways - for example, your basic value system.
3. Too much too soon
When you are young and in love, you feel like everything is part of a dream. It feels surreal. And you tend to go with the flow and sometimes go too fast! From the first time you say “I love you” to that first kiss...it all happens before it can even sink in! But then, you also run the risk of finding yourself thinking...now what? Real relationships are based on trust and shared goals. Not just hot and heavy makeout sessions, though they were fun while they lasted. Ahh! Young love. :-)
4. We change along the way
Think of how much you’ve grown since the time you first fell in love. Doesn’t it feel like you were a whole different person back then? Well, that’s life – as the years pass, they teach you lessons and mould you along the way. Your first love probably didn’t last because you were a different person when you got into it, but a whole different person when you got out. It could be the same for him.
5. Unrequited love
For a lot of us, our first love was painfully one-sided. Either we never had the courage to confess our feelings, or worse, they were never reciprocated. And while it seemed like the end of the world back then, time did heal those wounds. You have moved on, and now look at those days of pining and crying as lessons and nothing else.
6. Love is friendship?
When we are young, we tend to confuse love and friendship. To add to it, we also have Bollywood to thank! As a result, we end up with falling in love with our best friends and getting hurt in the process of dating our best friend and realizing that we’ve messed up the friendship. Yes, there are lucky people out there who find love in their best friends. But for some of us, that didn’t work out too well.
7. Maturity matters
Love and dating require maturity. It needs you to be an adult - to balance someone else’s needs along with your own. Often, these are lessons that we simply don’t learn soon enough. But because the guy wasn’t mature enough or you weren’t mature enough, you couldn’t make the relationship work out. And you know what? That’s okay!
8. Patience is a virtue?
So he moved cities? Or you moved to another neighbourhood? Well, we don’t blame you for thinking that that’s the end of the world. You couldn’t sustain your love because it became increasingly hard to keep each other as an integral part of your world. It’s okay. It has happened to the best of us! It’s nice to look back and think it was awesome while it lasted.
9. The pressures of life
With your parents breathing down your neck and asking you to focus on education, plus the need to do well in life...dating when you are young can very well come with a lot of pressure. Sometimes, young love doesn’t survive these pressures. It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t your fault – it’s just circumstances. Best to let bygones be bygones and just think of it as a story to tell your grandkids about your young and free days. What say? :-)
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Published on Aug 20, 2015