Honestly, living in India comes with certain implications. For instance, we have TOO many relatives for our own liking. Some of them, we are not even sure if we are actually related to. But at every party, shaadi, birthday and function we are introduced by our parents to new “aunties” and “uncles” – we’re used to this by now! Some of them have actually become a BIG part of our daily lives and have even left an indelible mark on our growing years. Here’s to the many aunts we all know, love and tolerate, in no particular order!
1. The Much-Too-Loud Aunty
Her roaring laugh probably precedes her presence! Yes, we all have that aunt who is so loud, even the neighbours know she’s visiting from out of town! And every single time you meet her, all you really want to say is: bachpan mein loudspeaker khaaya tha kya?
2. The Nosy Aunty
We’re sure you will agree that this particular species is most commonly found in our beloved country! Okay, we shall stop being mean! But why is it that each one of us has at least one super-nosy aunt who always has her sights on our business? It surely can’t be a coincidence! If she happens to spot us somewhere, the interrogation begins almost immediately. We may even be able to handle it, but when she starts asking mom questions about us…sigh…do we even want to complete this?
3. The Encouraging Aunty
For every annoying aunt, there’s one super-sweet aunt who is most encouraging of all our endeavours! No wonder then that she’s your absolute favourite, right? Changing your career? Getting a drastic haircut? She only has sweet and positive things to say! And if we haven’t yet, we just would like to put it out there in the universe – we appreciate it!
4. The Example Aunty
For absolutely every topic under the sun, she has an example or instance of her own to share. This is a bit strange only because most times she has no clue what you’re talking about! So, if she asks you about work and you tell her it’s stressful, she will give you an example of her watchman is struggling with his sleeping cycle. Yup, “valuable” information. Thank you, aunty, you truly changed our life! 😛
5. The Neighbour Aunty
Your neighbours are like family you do not choose! You kind of get stuck with them, but if you are lucky, they can turn out to be wonderful and supportive and can truly be your extended family. They probably know more about you than your own relatives anyway, right? And all that proximity means that your neighbourhood aunt knows your taste in food better than anyone else, always sending over that homemade halwa – piping hot! Getting emotional just thinking about it, aren’t we?
6. The Next Gen Aunty
The “cool” breed of aunties is represented by our next-gen aunt over here! She was probably the first of her age group to join Instagram and even knows which are the newest, nicest coffee shops in town! It’s possible that she has more to chat about with you than your mum. Next-gen aunty is an absolute delight to have around, toeing the line between mom’s friend and older-sister figure with utmost grace!
7. The Bollywood Aunty
Either she looks like she’s straight out of a Bollywood movie or she talks in that heavy Punjabi accented way that Kirron Kher does in, well, most Bollywood movies. This one has got all the moves on the dance floor and you cannot – for the life of you – stop getting amused by everything she says and does! It really makes you wonder if art imitates life or whether it’s the other way around! But you don’t mind joining in her filminess at all. “Hayyeee! So sweet” 🙂
8. The “All About My Kids” Aunty
No points for guessing – this aunty thinks her kids are made of precious gemstones. She begins most sentences with “My daughter naa” or “You won’t believe what my son did”. Sometimes, dear aunt, it’s cute to hear you talk about your children. But let us introduce you to this wonderful thing – it’s called moderation! Oh, and by the way, your absolutely pavitra beti is not as angelic as you think. Okthanxbye!
9. The Strict Aunty
Oh God! This one scares us a little. Even if we have done nothing wrong, the way this aunty looks us up and down actually makes us feel unkempt or useless! We really want to ask her why she is so serious and strict all the time! Maybe she needs a drink to loosen up? But we think we’re better off NOT proposing that to her!
10. The Matchmaking Aunty
Did you actually think we are going to miss this one out? This is India, every second aunty is actually the matchmaking aunty. Do you not know this yet? Wait till you turn 25! Every aunt you meet will be staring at you and subsequently calling mom to “casually” talk about Sharmaji’s son! Even if she is of the cool variety, she probably won’t spare you the agony of directly telling you that you are now of “marriageable age” and must start looking out. *Facepalm*
11. The Fitness Freak Aunty
She’s cheating age or going the Benjamin Button way, but this aunt makes us feel bad about our own love handles and food choices. She looks so damn good for her age and never skips the gym. She probably knows more about diet and nutrition than you can ever hope to! Aunty, just pass those Kale chips naa?
12. The “Aur Khao” Aunty
Have you just eaten? Are you coming directly from a lunch? DOESN’T MATTER! Because this aunt’s sole purpose in life is to stuff your face. It’s cute and all, till acidity hits! Before you know it, an afternoon with her has turned into an advertisement for a digestive pill and you are the protagonist who is uncomfortable and needs medical attention. Err, thanks, but no thanks!
13. The Comparison Queen Aunty
She compares you to the girl in her building ALL the time! She also compares your brother to Ranbir Kapoor, she compares your chappals to the ones she saw on TV, she compares Mumbai to New York – that’s just her thing. Some like to talk, some like to dance; she likes to compare. It used to irk you at first, but you’ve come around to the fact that she doesn’t really mean any harm!
14. The Sanskaari Aunty
For every Alok Nath meme, there’s a confused sanskaari aunty wondering what’s so funny! Yup, she’s the one you will spot at all prayer-meeting like events. And you are very worried she will influence your parents and ask them to reprimand you for not being spiritual enough. She has, after all, asked you to pray more in the past. You are equal parts amused and terrified – we get it!
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