This is not something I usually do. I'm not saying this to justify what I am about to divulge - I'm saying it because it's true. It's really not something that I usually do. I was knowingly out of my comfort zone, and unknowingly about to have an experience I’ll remember forever.
It was New Year’s Eve. I was with my cousin for one of her old school friends' annual farm house party, when I saw him. He was in a corner, by the bar, sipping on his whisky. He saw me too - our eyes locked. He raised his glass to me as I smiled back at him.
He didn't look down even once, or break the intense stare session that we were having while he walked towards me - neither did I. Our eyes were having a conversation that our lips were yet to conjure up the courage to have.
“Can I fix you a drink?” He said when he was finally right in front of me, his voice laced with all the charisma in the world.
“I already have one, thanks,” I said, attempting nonchalance.
The party went on. We danced. Not me and him we
- we as in me, my cousin, her friends. He was there, though, every time I twirled round towards the bar. He was there. And he knew I knew he was...
Finally, the clock struck 12. I went up to get my phone out of the room where we’d stashed our bags to call my parents and wish them. He followed me up there. I won't lie - I waited in the room for a couple of minutes to see if he would come in. He didn't.
My intrigue now at an all-time high, I walked back out. Why had he followed me up the stairs if he wasn’t going to come in?
I saw him on the corridor, standing still, a cigarette in his hand. He stubbed it out, walked up to me and, without even seeming to try, had me up against the wall in a flash. We kissed, mouths devouring each other. We were mere feet away from the bedroom, so things got hot and heavy pretty fast.
I didn't even know his name.
We were safe - I was drunk, not crazy. When we were done, he got out of bed and went into the bathroom to dispose of the evidence. I got out of bed too, a little unsure of what came next. When he came back out, without saying a word he held up my dress and zipped me back into it.
I don't know why, but that felt like the nicest thing anyone could have done, given the situation. Maybe it was because I had read that quote one too many time: “Before sex, you help each other get naked; after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re screwed!”
Either way, I was already going a bit crazy in my head. What did this little but significant gesture mean? Did he like me? Was this something more than just an anonymous encounter? Was it good? Did he enjoy it? Did I enjoy it? What on earth was his name?
Still not speaking, we headed back downstairs.
I slipped back into the party. No one seemed to have noticed I’d been gone - the booze was flowing freely. Some of the early birds had even started to eat. I found my cousin, and we got talking with a couple of her girlfriends from school.
Suddenly, he was back in the scene, joining our group.
“Oh! This is Sameer... it's his house,” revealed my cousin, much to my delight. Yes, I had a name!
“And this is Reshu, his fiancée.” She pointed to one of the girls we’d been talking to.
For a second, I couldn’t breathe. Then I looked up at him, my eyes locking with his again. He raised his glass. “To new beginnings!” toasted the cheating fiance, his eyes never leaving mine.
Everyone cheered, we drank more, everyone danced. No one noticed my silence.
A little while later, my cousin said she wanted to leave. I followed her willingly out of the house. When we got home, I locked myself in my room.
I felt like I should cry, but my eyes were completely dry. I stared at the ceiling, lit by moonlight, the shadow of the fan casting weird patterns across it, my mind blank. I was sober despite the alcohol in my system. I felt the exhaustion that follows an orgasm, but none of the exhilaration.
He didn’t call (what a surprise!), we never met again, his wedding to Reshu is scheduled for this year - 31st December.
* Names have been changed to protect privacy.
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There's a legendary opening line that movies, parents - those who want to guide you - use when talking about sex and it goes like this: “When two people love each other very much and are in a committed relationship...” Well, in this instance, we weren't in love and we weren't together - but we were two people, for sure.