A few days ago, someone asked us the question of how to have sex. And while that’s a question easily answered by the simple step of Googling it, we thought we should share with you some acquired wisdom
- a few things that everyone should know. A few practical commandments of sex
, so to speak.
1. Try and do it with someone you like
Even if it’s a one-night stand. Our bodies are important to us - it’s nice to share them with someone that we can at least laugh with.
2. But sometimes you might want to just do it
Desire, like hunger, is often simply a basic physiological function. Your body feels it, and you feel the need to satisfy it - even if you’re not actually seeing someone. Which is a normal, healthy thing - indicative of a normal, healthy body. Go ahead, find someone you’re attracted to, and satisfy the urge. It’s okay to just have fun.
3. Research is important - both theoretical and practical!
Yes, it is! After all, how else are you going to get good at it? Read up, watch stuff - and then try it out. Remember your Class IX chemistry textbooks and lab sessions? It’s the same thing, really - just a different situation.
4. Accept that it’s not always going to be “sizzling”
Sometimes it’s hot and hard and fast, sometimes it’s slow and sexy, sometimes it’s just nice and comfortable and pleasant. You’re human, so is your partner - and when you’re doing it, it’s not like an oven that you can set to 250 degrees every time. And that’s okay. Quick sex, slow sex, comfy sex - all of these are OKAY. (If it’s bad sex, though, it may be cause for re-evaluating the situation!)
5. You may have a “type”. Or you may not.
Some of us are attracted to guys who are well-built, some of us are attracted to guys who are smart, and some of us are attracted to all sorts of guys. There’s no perfect guy that every woman is - or should be - attracted to. And for all you know, you might for years find yourself attracted to a particular type, and then suddenly find yourself in lust with a completely different kind of guy, and you have no idea why. It happens. There’s no right or wrong kind of person you want to have sex with.
6. Celebrate your body, and your partner’s, no matter how weird you think stuff looks
We all have bits of our bodies that we like and dislike. And there is stuff that we love about our partners’ bodies, and stuff that we don’t. There are no “perfect” bodies outside of the movies and airbrushed pictures in glossies. And the human body - whether male or female - has parts that look pretty darned funny. Be amused by them, and love them. You don’t just do a “body” - you have sex with the person who inhabits that body.
7. Let go of the fantasy of simultaneous orgasms
That - unless you’re very, very
lucky - happens only in erotic novels. (Even porn flicks have people coming at different times.) Most of the time, the best you can hope for is orgasms for both of you. And that should be a happy enough ending.
8. In fact, you might not always have an orgasm
Yes, that happens too! Sometimes, no matter how much you’re enjoying it, you might find yourself not climaxing. Or your partner may not come. Which is totally fine - sex is about the journey, about arousing one another, about exploring each other’s bodies. The discoveries that you make about someone’s likes and dislikes and what makes them tick - the intimacy of it - is a reward in itself. Never be disheartened by the absence of an orgasm. You can always try another time!
9. Be respectful and considerate; expect respect and consideration
You like it, he doesn’t; he loves it, you don’t. This is normal. Respect your partner’s boundaries, be considerate about what he wants. And expect the same from him. Sex doesn’t require anyone to be a martyr - you’re in it for pleasure for the both of you. If things aren’t going smoothly, talk about it, figure things out. And yes, you CAN talk about it - if his man-parts have been in intimate contact with your lady-parts, you definitely know each other well enough to have a conversation!
10. There is no such thing as “the best position”
But you can have a “favourite position”! Remember, however, that different people are good at different things, and no two individuals have the same “sync” settings. So if your previous partner and you had the best time with you on top, it doesn’t mean that’s all you go for with your current partner. For all you know, having him on top (at least sometimes!) is going to rock your world in whole new ways you haven’t even imagined!
11. Remember that only rabbits can do it all day long - the average human body ain’t built for that
Sometimes, the mind might (continue to) be willing, but the body won’t oblige. Sex requires tremendous amounts of energy, and a certain degree of athleticism, and your body might get done way before your brain and libido are satisfied. If it’s getting so long and intense that things down south are getting uncomfortable, it is totally okay to take a break (even a long one) and get back to it later. (Power snoozes - in your partner’s embrace, in particular - can have a very rejuvenating effect!)
12. Know that things can get awkward and messy
We’re not all gymnasts and ballerinas, so we aren’t always tremendously graceful in bed. Especially not when we have bits of flesh stuck to each other. Heads bump, knees knock, switching positions become an exercise in clumsiness, parts of our bodies we’re not used to hearing make weird sounds. There’s sweat, there’s stuff that needs cleaning up. It’s all cool. Just try not to fall off the bed, though! Explaining sex injuries
to doctors - and we speak from experience - can be a wee bit embarrassing.
13. Being open to new experiences is important
We all learn new things every day. Whether at work or about the world. The bedroom is no different. Unless it’s something that you find utterly abhorrent, don’t say no to experimenting. After all, if you diss it without even giving it a try, you might never find out what you’re missing!
14. Sex may or may not be about love
It can be wonderful to sleep with someone you’re in love with. It can be just as wonderful to sleep with someone you’re not in love with. It’s your choice. Let no one tell you otherwise.
15. And it’s not something to feel guilty or ashamed about
It’s about pleasure and satisfaction and happy feelings. Whether it’s a one-night stand, a brief fling or a committed relationship, as long as you’re okay with what you’re doing, it’s nobody’s business but your own.
16. Do not ever forget about safety
Never, ever. Contraception is important, so is your health. Please use protection, and make sure you and your partner get yourselves tested regularly to steer clear of diseases. And if either of you are sleeping with multiple people at the same time, be extra-cautious!
17. Cherish every act, and every person you’re with
When you let someone access to your body, and they return the favour, it’s a very special thing. It’s the closest you can get physically to another human being. Treasure that closeness, and never take it for granted. How many times you do it and how many people you do it with are not just numbers - they should, each and every one of them, be something you always remember with pleasure and fondness.
GIFs: tumblr, goodreads
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