Ladies, let’s face it: one of the most incredibly annoying things about being a sexually active woman in India is the process of buying protection. Yes, we know it’s just simpler and easier to let your man take care of the logistics, but that’s not always possible - and there should be no reason why you shouldn’t do this for yourself. However, the actual process of buying it is SO awful that it makes us want to tear our hair out. From the way the shopkeepers (and the other customers at the store react), you’d imagine that what they really want to do is say to you: “Beta, safe sex MAT karo.”
We bring you the most WTF things that happen when you’re buying condoms in India.
1. First comes the double-take
And the chemist says: “Haaain
2. And then you repeat your request, slightly louder...
And the whole SHOP turns to look at you.
3. Then the aunties start whispering to each other
Don’t be surprised if you overhear a few “Kaisi ladki hai yeh!
4. The man at the counter actually goes away!
He sends a female shop assistant to attend to you instead.
5. And God forbid that you should ask for a specific brand or type of condom
Because then everyone looks you up and down like you’re basically a [fill in sexist, offensive word of choice].
6. You decide to buy the biggest multi-pack they have
So you don’t have to go through THIS stupid experience again in the near future.
7. So someone yells “Chhotu, ladder nikaal, bahut kuchh lena hai”
And everyone judges you even more.
8. They finally hand you a pack
And of course it’s the wrong thing.
9. You tell them that this is not what you want…
And they’re like “This is all we have.”
10. And you’re like: “How is that possible? Please can you check again?”
And they’re like: “No, yehi le lo
11. You argue, insisting that they MUST have it, given that it’s the most common brand ever
While the uncle-ji standing behind you is listening eagerly to every word and both judging and ogling you at the same time - and basically creeping you out totally.
12. You win. After, like, 15 minutes. And they bring out what you want.
Grudgingly. Like sona
13. Then, of course, you try to pay…
And the cashier says: “Kya
14. FINALLY you have your “package” in your hand.
Wrapped up like it’s some kind of under-the-table black market maal
15. You pay and leave, determined never to do this ever again.
Until the next time. :-/
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