Yes, the idea of raunchy, unprecedented sex sends our imagination in overdrive. And yes, we’d like it to be as perfect and dreamy as they show it on screen. There’s, however, one teeny-weeny hitch – practicality
. One of the first non-lessons we’d learnt out of the movies was: how smooth and easy it is to take clothes off before “the act”, NOT. Don’t act like you haven’t gotten stuck at a stubborn belt buckle, ever! Nevertheless, here are some absolutely bizarre on-screen sex scenes that would cause disaster in real life – anything from waking up the whole neighbourhood or getting a skin infection to breaking a few bones.
1. In A Train (Risky Business)
You’d think matters would be made easier with the locomotive motion of a train. Think again. Though a very young Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay seemed to have no problems getting it on in a public transport, we can’t help but fear the germs. Oh, GERMS! And oh, the windows!
2. Against A Bookshelf (Atonement)
It’s like a bookworm’s fetish, isn’t it? Getting all hot ‘n’ heavy against the bookshelf - James McAvoy and Keira Knightly seem to be doing just fine, frankly! Sample this, though - those books are stacked parallel. How can they not fall off at the other end? And, don’t even get us started on the number of hands that have touched those books!
3. On The Piano (Pretty Woman)
We grew up fantasizing about our Prince Charming showing up one fine day in the garb of Richard Gere, thanks to Pretty Woman. Well, life doesn’t always pan out as planned, does it? Nor do sex sequences. Imagine being prepped up on the hood of a classic, old-world piano. Where are your toes/feet going to be? The keys, you say? NO, really?! How does the piano play in your head now?
4. On The Beach (Swept Away)
Not that we aim to ruin those Australian (or Goan) fantasies, but, picture this – if walking barefoot on the beach gets sand in your toes, how would it be if you decided to take things further with your partner? Madonna in her black bikini, however, makes it look real easy in her then-husband Guy Ritchie’s movie, Swept Away.
5. On The Staircase (The Thomas Crown Affair)
Sure, when hot humans like Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo do things, they’re perfect – even coitus on a hard marble staircase. We wonder how we’d get the groove on a cold staircase. Even if we do (age, you know), how do we keep at it without slipping and breaking a bone? But, most importantly, where on earth are we going to find this staircase? Unless your Significant Other is a billionaire, of course, and can afford to pay for extensive physiotherapy for spondylitis.
6. Inside A Phone Booth (True Romance)
The idea sounds hawt, and may even serve dual purposes (phone sex, anyone?), but, we’re forgetting how absolutely transparent the walls of a phone booth are; let’s not even talk about the rickety, germ-ridden condition of the Indian ones. Patricia Arquette and Christian Slater are quite the daredevils, though!
7. With A Cancer Patient (Rockstar)
Aaaaaand, yet again, Bollywood surpasses our expectations of impracticality! Remember the troubled-for-no-reason rockstar, Ranbir Kapoor? His cancer-ridden girlfriend, Nargis Fakhri? Well, something must have happened for her to “conceive”, ain’t it?
And A Special Mention...
For those trying to get too experimental over the weekend, remember Samantha from Sex And The City and her sushi sex plans? Just sayin’!
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