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It's Not Me, It's YOU: How NOT To Break Up With Someone!


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Breaking up is always hard to do, and more likely than not someone is going to end up in tears. There’s no point sugar-coating it, but sometimes even (who you thought was) Mr Right can get it WAY wrong. The end of a relationship is never a good thing, but there is a time, a place and a way to do it to make sure the time, energy, effort and emotion invested in the relationship isn’t all wiped away by one messy act of epic a**holery. Here are 24 ways to never, ever break up with matter how badly you want to! (And no, we’re not making this sh*t up, we know people who’ve done these.)

1. A very bad time would be right after sex

Or even in the middle of the act.

2. By WhatsApp/ text is just not acceptable.

The “finger” emoji is all you deserve in life.

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3. Neither is an email appropriate

What’s the subject going to be? “Sorry, I’m a jackass”?

4. The wimpiest way to do it would be through their friends

Have some guts!

5. Updating your status message on Facebook

Tweeting at them won’t fly either!

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6. In a card: “Roses are red, violets are blue - BTW, I don’t love you…”

“I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to be a jerk - but I hope you never get laid again, and get laid off at work”

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7. On Valentine's day

This one pretty much classifies you as a relationship sociopath.

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8. By doing a “Houdini”

No, disappearing on their ass is not the answer.

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9. Posting it on a public billboard near their house .

It does NOT count as one last act of PDA.

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10. Breaking up with someone on their birthday.

Hi, a**hole!

11. Via post-it, a la Burger and Carrie.

If there is one thing from Sex And The City you’ve learnt, that should not be it.

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12. By setting them up to catch you cheating .

That’s just plain...sleazy.

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13. Standing them up at the mandap might just be the biggest ditch of all time.

There’s NO coming back from this one.

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14. Writing a customized message for them on their favourite cake (or any cake).

Does not make it cute! Makes you a Class A douchebag, though.

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15. During dinner with their parents for the first time.

You’d do better by cancelling that dinner and talking to them the day after instead.

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16. Before a job interview/exam .

Have some respect! (And basic human consideration.)

17. On April Fool’s day, as a joke.

You might actually end up getting dumped yourself!

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18. By changing your Facebook status from “in a relationship” to “‘single”.

It’s not going to get you any likes.

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19. Publicly, in front of a group of friends.

Does not matter whether they’re yours or theirs.

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20. By being mean to them/avoiding them until they are forced to break up with you.

If you want to do it, at least have the balls to say it.

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21. With these words: “I’m seeing someone else now”.

Don’t be surprised if they throw furniture at you. Or try to throw you off a building.

22. Whilst you’re on holiday together.

If they drink up everything in the minibar and then sneak out in the middle of the night, leaving you holding the hotel bill - that would still be too good for you.

23. When they/you are about to get on a plane journey for 8 hours.

No, they’re not going to thank you for orchestrating either the worst flight or the most horrible period of radio-silence of their lives.

24. And possibly the worst: right after they say the ‘L’ word.

That is just MEAN.

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GIFs: tumblr

MUST-READ: #BreakUp: The 7 Stages of Grief Every Girl Goes Through

MUST-READ: Emotional Atyachaar: Thoughts We All Have After a Breakup
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