Breaking up is always hard to do, and more likely than not someone is going to end up in tears. There’s no point sugar-coating it, but sometimes even (who you thought was) Mr Right can get it WAY wrong. The end of a relationship is never a good thing, but there is a time, a place and a way to do it to make sure the time, energy, effort and emotion invested in the relationship isn’t all wiped away by one messy act of epic a**holery. Here are 24 ways to never, ever break up with someone…no matter how badly you want to! (And no, we’re not making this sh*t up, we know people who’ve done these.)
1. A very bad time would be right after sex
Or even in the middle of the act.
2. By WhatsApp/ text is just not acceptable.
The “finger” emoji is all you deserve in life.
3. Neither is an email appropriate
What’s the subject going to be? “Sorry, I’m a jackass”?
4. The wimpiest way to do it would be through their friends
Have some guts!
5. Updating your status message on Facebook
Tweeting at them won’t fly either!
6. In a card: “Roses are red, violets are blue – BTW, I don’t love you…”
“I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to be a jerk – but I hope you never get laid again, and get laid off at work”
7. On Valentine’s day
This one pretty much classifies you as a relationship sociopath.
8. By doing a “Houdini”
No, disappearing on their ass is not the answer.
9. Posting it on a public billboard near their house .
It does NOT count as one last act of PDA.
10. Breaking up with someone on their birthday.
Hi, a**hole!
11. Via post-it, a la Burger and Carrie.
If there is one thing from Sex And The City you’ve learnt, that should not be it.
12. By setting them up to catch you cheating .
That’s just plain…sleazy.
13. Standing them up at the mandap might just be the biggest ditch of all time.
There’s NO coming back from this one.
14. Writing a customized message for them on their favourite cake (or any cake).
Does not make it cute! Makes you a Class A douchebag, though.
15. During dinner with their parents for the first time.
You’d do better by cancelling that dinner and talking to them the day after instead.
16. Before a job interview/exam .
Have some respect! (And basic human consideration.)
17. On April Fool’s day, as a joke.
You might actually end up getting dumped yourself!
18. By changing your Facebook status from “in a relationship” to “‘single”.
It’s not going to get you any likes.
19. Publicly, in front of a group of friends.
Does not matter whether they’re yours or theirs.
20. By being mean to them/avoiding them until they are forced to break up with you.
If you want to do it, at least have the balls to say it.
21. With these words: “I’m seeing someone else now”.
Don’t be surprised if they throw furniture at you. Or try to throw you off a building.
22. Whilst you’re on holiday together.
If they drink up everything in the minibar and then sneak out in the middle of the night, leaving you holding the hotel
bill – that would still be too good for you.
23. When they/you are about to get on a plane journey for 8 hours.
No, they’re not going to thank you for orchestrating either the worst flight or the most horrible period of radio-silence of their lives.
24. And possibly the worst: right after they say the ‘L’ word.
That is just MEAN.
GIFs: tumblr
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