It's Not Me, It's YOU: How NOT To Break Up With Someone! | POPxo

It's Not Me, It's YOU: How NOT To Break Up With Someone!

Gayatri

Guest Contributor

Breaking up is always hard to do, and more likely than not someone is going to end up in tears. There’s no point sugar-coating it, but sometimes even (who you thought was) Mr Right can get it WAY wrong. The end of a relationship is never a good thing, but there is a time, a place and a way to do it to make sure the time, energy, effort and emotion invested in the relationship isn’t all wiped away by one messy act of epic a**holery. Here are 24 ways to never, ever break up with someone...no matter how badly you want to! (And no, we’re not making this sh*t up, we know people who’ve done these.)



1. A very bad time would be right after sex


Or even in the middle of the act.

2. By WhatsApp/ text is just not acceptable.


The “finger” emoji is all you deserve in life.

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3. Neither is an email appropriate


What’s the subject going to be? “Sorry, I’m a jackass”?

4. The wimpiest way to do it would be through their friends


Have some guts!

5. Updating your status message on Facebook


Tweeting at them won’t fly either!

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6. In a card: “Roses are red, violets are blue - BTW, I don’t love you…”




“I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to be a jerk - but I hope you never get laid again, and get laid off at work”

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7. On Valentine's day


This one pretty much classifies you as a relationship sociopath.

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8. By doing a “Houdini”


No, disappearing on their ass is not the answer.

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9. Posting it on a public billboard near their house .


It does NOT count as one last act of PDA.

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10. Breaking up with someone on their birthday.


Hi, a**hole!

11. Via post-it, a la Burger and Carrie.


If there is one thing from Sex And The City you’ve learnt, that should not be it.

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12. By setting them up to catch you cheating .


That’s just plain...sleazy.

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13. Standing them up at the mandap might just be the biggest ditch of all time.


There’s NO coming back from this one.

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14. Writing a customized message for them on their favourite cake (or any cake).


Does not make it cute! Makes you a Class A douchebag, though.

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15. During dinner with their parents for the first time.


You’d do better by cancelling that dinner and talking to them the day after instead.

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16. Before a job interview/exam .


Have some respect! (And basic human consideration.)

17. On April Fool’s day, as a joke.


You might actually end up getting dumped yourself!




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18. By changing your Facebook status from “in a relationship” to “‘single”.


It’s not going to get you any likes.

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19. Publicly, in front of a group of friends.


Does not matter whether they’re yours or theirs.

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20. By being mean to them/avoiding them until they are forced to break up with you.


If you want to do it, at least have the balls to say it.

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21. With these words: “I’m seeing someone else now”.


Don’t be surprised if they throw furniture at you. Or try to throw you off a building.

22. Whilst you’re on holiday together.


If they drink up everything in the minibar and then sneak out in the middle of the night, leaving you holding the hotel bill - that would still be too good for you.

23. When they/you are about to get on a plane journey for 8 hours.




No, they’re not going to thank you for orchestrating either the worst flight or the most horrible period of radio-silence of their lives.

24. And possibly the worst: right after they say the ‘L’ word.


That is just MEAN.

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GIFs: tumblr

MUST-READ: #BreakUp: The 7 Stages of Grief Every Girl Goes Through

MUST-READ: Emotional Atyachaar: Thoughts We All Have After a Breakup
Published on May 26, 2015
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