Relationships can be a lot of work. Sometimes, they can just be plain hard.
Many of us have been through relationships, or are in struggling ones. But even if we have given up once, we absolutely need to give ourselves a second chance at love. Here are a few things that could help you stay happy in your relationship and make it work, no matter what's happened before.
1. Make sure to keep yourself happy
We often forget that keeping ourselves happy and healthy is imperative - if we even want a shot at making anyone else happy. Whether it’s grabbing coffee with your friends, or going to the gym post a long day at work - if there is something you’d rather do than what your partner suggests, do it!
2. But be willing to adjust
Sure, if your partner really wants to do something with you, or has somewhere important to go to and asks you to come along, you should. But remember that there is no point doing what they want and resenting them for “making” you do it. Do it because you love them and want them to be happy too.
3. Understand that they need to do their own thing too
As easy as it is to fall into a rut and expect to be a part of everything your partner does, just as you enjoy your space and time sometimes, he does too. Whether they just want to have a lazy day by themselves, or go all out with their friends, don’t take it as them not wanting to spend time with you. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. They don’t just say it for nothing!
4. Communicate clearly
You’ve heard it before, communication is key! Yes, a confrontation can be uncomfortable, but if it’s chewing you up on the inside, it is bound to come out eventually. Talk to your partner about what’s going on in a calm and clear manner and they’ll most likely respond calmly too. Holding things in and letting your behavior towards your partner change anyway instead, will do you no good.
5. Confront compassionately
If you attack someone, their natural instinct will be to immediately jump to their defense. This gets you nowhere except to a point where two people are having a rather loud conversation about who’s right and who’s wrong. The situation however, is rarely black and white. You both have valid points in all probability, but are being too stubborn to meet on a middle ground.
6. Don’t fight dirty
Bringing up past issues in a new fight; a complete no-no. Let it go! Holding onto past issues and getting angry with them when you’re having an argument about something completely different is just in bad taste. Resolve your issues and actually move past them before you say you have moved past them.
7. Give them the benefit of doubt
It’s easy to believe that people may do things intentionally or doubt their honestly- to believe that your boyfriend was trying to hurt you by not inviting you out with his friends or that he double booked a date with you and a night with the guys. If you’re with someone who loves you, they want you to be happy. So whether it was calling you back or the movie plans you had, if they say it just slipped their mind, try and believe them.
8. Tell them you trust them, and mean it
As easy as it is to get upset in certain situations, if you trust your partner there is very little room for negativity. Trust your gut, but if you’re trying to do a relationship right, trusting the person you’re with is everything.
9. Don’t jump to conclusions
Very often, we react before we think. Whether it is based on our past experiences of our partner’s behavior or the fact that we have never seen them behave a certain way before, understand the situation before you come up with your own theory.
10. Learn to pick your battles
Fighting about all the small stuff is easy and very tempting at times, but this is what is going to create the drift in your relationship. You can’t have a problem with everything another person does. If you do, it’s time to move on.
11. Accept and cherish your differences
If you can’t love them for exactly who they are (all their quirks included), the relationship isn’t getting too far. We all have our differences, but imagine if we didn’t. No new nothing, life would be boring.
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