Planning a wedding is a super intense task. You have so many things on your checklist - from decor to outfits to guestlist - that it’s easy to lose your mind trying to figure everything out. But in all this madness, you may forget one of the most important moments of your wedding - your first night as man and wife. Irrespective of whether you’ve had sex before or if it’s going to be the first time you two will be intimate, this is your first ‘official’ night together - and it can be exciting and nerve-racking at the same time. Being husband and wife adds a whole new dimension to the lovemaking.
But in all that wedding hullabaloo, we’re sure nobody gave you any tips on what to do when you’re both in your room or how you’re supposed to initiate things. But don’t worry, we got you, sister!
Read here 20 first wedding night tips so that you can make this slightly stressful situation much better and a night to remember for the both of you. Hopefully, you’ll be at ease after reading these tips!
If your marriage is arranged, it would do both of you well to actually get to know each other before you get down and dirty. Spend your courtship period trying to get to know him as much as possible. It’ll only make things less awkward when you're finally alone.
If you’re a virgin and your wedding night will be the first time you get intimate with a man, stock up on as much theoretical knowledge as possible. Read books or watch movies so you’re aware of the positions and techniques. Also, if you’re okay with it, get in some practical knowledge by touching yourself a little. Once you know your body well, you’ll be able to guide him and tell him what works for you too!
… because you’re so damn tired after what seems like a million ceremonies. Don’t stress too much about it because it’s absolutely normal. Many newly-married couples feel that way. It’s okay to just talk and cuddle. Besides, what is the first honeymoon night for?
Exercise patience. You could make it a fun bonding activity out of it where he helps you out of your heavy outfit. Make it slow and sensual and it’ll be an amazing start to your night.
You don’t want to be distracted by a sudden painful jab, a tug at your scalp or poke him in the eye just as you’re getting started.
Sex in real life is very different from sex in movies. There will rarely be background music, candles all around you and in all likelihood, things won’t be as smooth as you thought they’d be. But instead of worrying about it, try laughing off anything that doesn't go as planned. Nothing brings two people together like laughter.
This is especially true for arranged marriages. Wait till you’re comfortable to have sex with your hubby - whether it is 30 minutes or 30 days. The whole experience will be something else once you’ve bonded on an emotional level.
Maybe the two of you have slept together loads of times before, or maybe you’ve been saving yourself for the wedding night - either way, it’s normal to feel shy and embarrassed. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your husband - he’s probably nervous too.
It’s healthy to be open and voice what you want. And do you know one thing that can really add a lot to your sex life? Talking - and by talking I mean dirty talking. Once you two are comfortable with each other, try dirty talking to each other. Discuss fantasies and things you want to do to each other. Not only will it get you excited for the day (or night) you two get things going, it’ll help you two ease into what may have otherwise been an awkward situation.
For the sexy times, it’ll help to dress seductively. Wearing a matching pair of lingerie or a really hot babydoll will boost your confidence and also make him drool. Isn’t that exactly what you want? So, step into the room in an eye-popping teddy and a pair of high heels and watch him lose his mind quickly and completely!
While it may seem counterintuitive to cuddle before sex but that sort of intimacy may just be the start you need to a memorable night. Lying together so close to each other, intertwined, all arms and legs will make you want each other more.
As a bride, this may not be in your hands but you can always delegate the task to someone or ask your husband to delegate it to someone. Some candles, a sexy playlist, satin sheets and dim lighting can put you in the mood even if you’re too tired (no pressure though!).
You’re not alone in this or anything, for that matter. Taking help from your married friend or cousins is actually a good idea because they’ve been where you are and can understand exactly what you’re going through or feeling. This will help you a lot in putting things in perspective and it will be a welcome change from all the uncles and aunties pulling your leg with the double innuendos but ultimately being of no help!
The pressure to have good sex is anyway off the charts on your wedding night and you don’t want to add to that the knowledge that your families are right outside the door. It may really be uncomfortable for you knowing that there are people who’re expecting you to have sex. So ideally, for the first night together, you should book a room at a hotel so that there is no performance pressure for either of you or pesky relatives hell-bent on teasing you.
Like we’ve already established, it is possible that the two of you will be too tired to jump right into bed. A great way to ease into it is by giving each other a massage. This will help you relax, get rid of some of the tension in your body and bond at a deeper level. Also, let’s be honest. We know that massages lead to better things, so why not?
Test for STDs and infections, obviously, but also for hereditary factors that might affect conception. Most hospitals offer premarital check-up packages. Both of you can get them together and make a couple’s activity out of it. Remember, marriage is all about finding joy in the little things.
And check about an oral contraceptive that can prepone or postpone your period by a week. Also, if you’ll be heading for your honeymoon straight after your wedding, you might want to postpone them further or have them before the wedding festivities start so that they don’t prove to be a damper during your crucial bonding moments. If you’re not keen on doing that, be sure to discreetly have a word with your hubby-to-be!
Make sure it’s a catch-all consultation - you don’t want to be forgetting anything important. In an ideal scenario, you should be able to get your fiance to be part of a follow-up appointment too. This will help you avoid any unwanted pregnancies.
If it’s an arranged marriage, and you’re finding it difficult to have this conversation with him, find intermediaries. Talk to your mother or aunt - someone who can talk to his mother or his aunt. This discussion must be had!
A marriage is built on trust and emotional intimacy - connecting on a mental level is just as important as connecting on a physical level.
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This story was updated in March 2019.