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No matter what part of the country you’re from, or what community you belong to, if you’re an Indian getting married, chances are it’s a lavish production to rival a big, fat Bollywood shaadi. And if you’re a guest at an Indian wedding, of course, you’re in for a gala time with bucket-loads of food, booze and spectacularly colourful commentary on the whole affair. To prepare you for the wedding season just around the corner, we bring you a list of things you only hear at an Indian wedding. Shaadi mubarak to you all!
Never miss an opportunity to plan your next shopping expedition.
It’s a wedding - of course it’s going to be shiny. There’s probably enough dazzle to make the King of Bling, Bappi-da, feel muted.
Some folks go just to estimate how much the bride’s trousseau costs.
This is said to any girl (or guy) above the age of 21.
Can we please be next to next to next to next?
Or a Manish. Or a Tarun. Designer wear at a wedding - so, so important.
Followed by frustrated sighs when you realize the line is 45 minutes long. Ganpati darshans happen faster.
Weddings and food - lifelong obsession of Indians, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Ah, our age-old passion for gold.
The bride’s friends may or may not be hot, but the bride’s sis sure is.
World War III at every wedding.
It’s not a successful wedding unless you got giant holes in your bank account, yo.
Well, you do need washboard abs for those super-sexy cholis.
All those pleats and that length, it’s HARD!
Indian Stretchable Time. No better example of it than the bride’s family and guests waiting for the groom to show up.
Even though she is moving just 10 minutes away! A wedding is not complete without many, many litres of tears.
These are the modern-day wedding anthems.
Maybe they shouldn’t have drunk so much at the sangeet?
A break from the gazillion relatives? Of course they’re excited!
Yes, because well-stained palms is all you need to make a marriage work, of course.
Money-making racket no. 1, and tons of fun if you’re from the girl’s side.
What better time to sit in judgement on the bride?
How would we EVER survive without our mithai?
Four days of landing up at ceremonies hungover, and all the youngsters are ready to pass out by the time the reception comes around.
Dropped when super-preferential treatment is needed. It works like magic.
Dowry might technically have been abolished ages ago, but relatives totally expect expensive wedding gifts for the happy couple from both sets of parents.
Kaajal, bindi, maang tika - so much could go wrong!
God forbid that the bride and groom may have preempted the suhaag raat!