Being single is fun for the most part. But then sometimes someone comes along and says the weirdest of things. Things that are intrusive, offensive, presumptuous or just plain annoying. Things that make us give them the death stare.
1. When you stop looking, you’ll find someone.
You know I don’t actually scour the streets, right?
2. Why don’t I set you up with my friend’s brother?
Argh, stop pressuring me!
3. But you’re so pretty, how have you not found a guy yet?
Nice to know that you appreciate my personality so much.
4. Why don’t you try a dating website? Maybe you should get on Tinder.
Maybe that’s not my thing?
5. I think you should date [insert name of your closest guy friend]. You both are so cute together.
Friend. Boyfriend. Different relationships. Different criteria.
6. Sweetheart, you’re the soulmate type! He’ll come along super soon.
Oh no, am I going to remain “incomplete” until that happens?
7. Girl, you’re fierce, you don’t need anyone!
Independent people enjoy snuggling too.
8. You need to keep a vrat. I kept one for a good husband, and I was married within a year.
9. Are you even looking out for someone?
Constantly. Keep poking my head out of the window whenever I see one.
10. When you get married or you’re in a relationship, you’ll miss being single.
You don’t say?
11. Oh, how I envy you single girls, you can do anything without answering to anybody.
There is someone I have to answer to for my life decisions. Myself.
12. Why don’t you let your parents find you a nice boy?
Because I like doing my own finding?
13. Don’t you worry about not having kids?
The fear of being childless is the only reason to have kids, huh?
14. Ah, don’t worry, you’ll find someone.
Thanks. Knowing that really eases my mind.
15. I went out with him once, he wasn’t my type, but I think he’ll be perfect for you!
Wow! You’re offering me leftovers! You must really like me!
16. How are you still single? If I were a guy, I would totally date you.
You’re not a guy. This conversation is moot.
17. You’re being too picky!
Must be so aggravating for you that I have standards.
18. When are you getting married?
You’ll get a card. It’ll have the date on it. Although, if you keep asking me this, I might decide to leave you off the guest list.
19. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be in the first place.
Thanks. You saying that makes me feel so much better.
20. Don’t worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea!
Let me go dig out my fishing rod.
21. Please, we can’t let you pay when you’re out with us. (Us being all your couple friends.)
I’m single, not financially unstable.
22. Don’t worry, you’re still young. All in good time.
I feel so consoled.
23. Are you planning to be forever alone?
24. You’re not gay, are you? (When you’re straight.)
Why? Are you homophobic?
25. Are you sure you don’t want to try going out with a guy? (If you’re gay.)
It’s called sexual orientation. Not a whim.
26. When my boyfriend/husband goes out of town, we need to do a girls’ night out.
Of course. I have nothing better to do than wait for that night.
27. Can’t explain - it’s kind of a couple thing.
I’m single, not stupid.
28. Better find someone soon, your biological clock is ticking!
Oh no! The world is going to end!
29. What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?
Might crash whatever you’re doing.
30. Isn’t it hard to be single?
Did no one ever teach you that some questions are intrusive?
31. Poor you! Don’t you get lonely?
Don’t you want to open your mouth wider so you can put your foot in deeper?
32. Doesn’t the Sex and the City lifestyle get boring after time?
33. You’re so lucky, you have no responsibilities!
This absence of responsibilities you speak of - do you mean I don’t actually need to earn money, build a career, run a household, look after my parents, take care of myself?