Feeling insecure in a relationship or about your partner is usual up to a point. It may even be normal. But when things get out of hand and you find yourself assuming the worst of everything, there is a problem. Insecurities often drive people away from each other and ruin relationships. Here are a few ways to deal with that and feel more secure in your relationship.
1. Set some ground rules from the very beginning
No, you don’t need to dictate to each other what the other can do or not do. But when you do get into a committed relationship with someone, there are certain aspects of your life or yourself that you need to tweak just a little bit. Whether it is the way that the two of you interact/ behave with your friends from the opposite sex, or the things that you share about each other with your friends. You need to be clear from the very beginning what you are and are not okay with. If you are in a loving and trusting relationship, neither your partner nor you should have a huge problem with making small compromises for each other’s sake.
2. Talk about the future
Talk about what you want for yourself in the future. Talk about your long-term goals, talk about what you expect from the relationship, talk about where you would want the two of you to be after another year or two. It is worth it. Don’t feel shy about bringing up your expectations about the future of your relationship. Don’t let the relationship progress too far without discussing major issues! You need to know how he feels too. It is important to know whether or not the two of you are in the same place as far as that is concerned. Once you know what is in his mind, you will be more at peace.
3. Avoid snooping around unless you have good reason to!
If he has given you reason to believe that something is wrong, whether it is your gut instinct telling you or his lately changed behaviour, then, sure, to satisfy yourself and clear your head look at what you want. But if he is doing nothing wrong and is treating you with the love and respect he always does, skip the snooping around. “Finding” something when we’re feeling insecure or suspicious usually leads to us taking things out of context. This will only give you unnecessary heartache. Save yourself the pain and resist the urge to snoop!
4. Try and avoid over-analysing things!
So he still has pictures of his ex on his profile or talks to her from time to time. He even wore that shirt she gave him the other day! Don’t read into it more than you should. It is possible that he hasn’t even thought about those pictures, and therefore they are still there. They were close back in the day, so although they are not together, they continue to be good friends and he never crosses that line. And that shirt? He just likes it! He isn’t thinking about who gave it to him when he wears it. Don’t think about such things more than you need to. He is with you now and he knows that just as well as you. Over-analysing any situation will only lead to you feeling bothered and distressed. Not worth it, if you ask us. Keep it simple!
5. Don’t discuss every little detail with your friends!
Because just like every other human being, they are bound to reflect their own experiences into your scenario as well. So if you tell them that you think your boyfriend may not be 100% loyal, they will assume the worst if they have been through something like that. Similarly each person also has a personality of their own, which affects how they think about and perceive a particular situation. So discussing every little thing and asking for their opinion in every matter will cloud your judgement. If even one of them is a bit paranoid, it will eventually rub off on you too!
6. Stop playing games and confront him if something is really bothering you
If there is something bothering you, don’t hold it in and keep feeling bad about it. If it bothers you now, it will continue bothering you till you haven’t arrived at a solution for it. If your partner’s behaviour or actions upset you or make you uncomfortable in any way, talk to him about it. No better solution, trust us.
7. Believe and have confidence in yourself
Nothing can save you from your insecurities as much as the faith that you have in yourself. Believe that you are good enough, believe that you are amazing and have confidence in yourself! Nothing in the world can stir up feelings of insecurity and doubt if you love yourself.
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